The Babysitter
by Unicorn of death
Summary: Even needs a babysitter for his lickle nephew Myde, and of COURSE Braig is totally trustworthy... Well, kinda. Rated for yaoi shenanigans and swearing. Braig x Myde, probably more pairings later on.
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: I don't know how far I'm going to continue this, whether I'll continue it at all, or whether anyone will care whether I continue it or not. A lot depends on reviews, y'know. Just saying.

xxx

"Thank you _so_ much, Braig, it means a lot, really," gushed Even, handing me a ridiculously long list in almost-illegible handwriting. "That's a list of all the things you shouldn't let him eat, drink or do while I'm gone."

"Even, he's eleven, I think he knows what makes him sick and what doesn't." Plus I don't know what kind of eleven-year-old would eat salmon even if he weren't allergic to it. "Just relax. He'll love me by the end of the night, you'll see."

"I don't care whether he loves you or not, I just want to come back to my house and my nephew in one piece!" Even snapped. I rolled my eyes and folded the list in half, stuffing it into my pocket without even reading it through.

"Relax, Even." I turned towards his staircase. "Where is he, anyway? Does he look like you? Is he as much as a pain in the ass as you are?" Even hissed, probably slightly irritated. "And when are you planning on leaving?"

"Braig, I'm warning you now, if I come home and Myde is anything like _you_ – if he's started swearing all over the place and obsessing over weaponry and..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I folded my arms. "Now, introduce me to your nephew, and then get the fuck out and go do your job."

Even sighed heavily with the air of one who has given up on life and lead me up the stairs. "Myde?" He called, tapping on a door. "Come out and meet Braig, he's going to be keeping an eye on you while I'm at work tonight."

A strangely melodic voice answered, "Do I _have_ to, Uncle Even? I'm in the middle of a really important Pokémon battle!"

"_Now_, Myde!" God, Even, no need to yell, the kid's only eleven. "I'm going to count to ten and if you're not here being polite to Braig by then –"

"I'm COMING!" bellowed Myde. There were a few earth-shaking crashes, and then all of a sudden the white bedroom door was wrenched open. "I'm _here_, okay? Now can I go back to my DS?"

Even scowled. I just stood there, staring... with my jaw hanging open... looking like an idiot... "Now Myde, I need you to listen. Braig is a really awful babysitter so you'll have to be understanding of him, all right? I've already told him what you're not allowed to eat, so don't think you'll get away with lying to him, and he knows you have to be in bed by half nine. If I get home and he tells me you've been acting up..."

"I won't, okay? I'm just gonna play Pokémon, practice the sitar for a bit, and then go to bed." Myde leaned against the door, paying no mind to me and my derp face. "Get to work, Uncle Even. I'll see you tomorrow."

And then he retreated back into his room and left me with Even, who was looking at me like I was a specimen in a test tube.

"What's with the face?" he asked shrewdly, cocking his head to the side.

"I... um..." Shit. Shit fuck shit. "He's _nothing_ like you, Even."

He was adorable. Skinny, maybe, but with sticky-up dark blonde hair and huge green-blue eyes and he was clearly talented at Pokémon and he... he was fifteen years younger than me.

What the actual fuck was wrong with me? I shook my head slightly, trying not to think too hard about Myde. The kid I was babysitting tonight. The kid I would be alone with all night...

Where the _fuck_ were these thoughts even coming from?

"Just don't do anything stupid, Braig, I implore you," Even said, tossing some hair over his shoulder. "I'll see you at around eleven."

"Take your time," I said easily, waving a hand. "Have fun with... whatever the hell you do."

I watched Even down the stairs, listened out for the door opening and closing, and then knocked on Myde's door. Just to make friends with the kid, learn some stuff about him.

"If you're Even then get lost. Otherwise it's fine." I smirked and opened the door gently, not wanting to disturb him if he was in the middle of something crucial on his DS. "You're Braig, right?"

"Yeah, I am. And you're Myde." I sat at the foot of his bed. Aww, he had a Charizard toy, that's so _sweet_... "Does your Uncle Even ever talk about me?"

Myde smiled to himself and closed his DS. "_All_ the time. "God, Braig's such an ass!" "Why can't Braig take anything seriously?" "Braig is so much sexier than me, it's so _unfair_!"" His impression of Even was hilariously accurate, although somehow I doubt that he ever said that last thing.

I looked at him. He was lying on his back in bed, holding his DS over his head and smacking the buttons with more force than was strictly necessary. And _his shirt was riding up_... ahem. Not that I was looking. I wasn't looking. YOU CAN'T PROVE JACK SHIT.

"So kid, what're you playing?"

Myde scowled at me. AWW. "Don't call me kid. I'm twelve in two months' time and I took a test that said I have the reading age of a sixteen-year-old." He reached down and tugged his shirt down so that I couldn't see his stomach. Which I didn't care about anyway. "Can I have some cake?"

"Would it piss Even off if I gave you cake?" I asked, taking the OCD list that Even had written out of my pocket and peering at it.

"That depends. Do you want to piss Uncle Even off?" He gave me the cutest little cheeky smile you ever saw in your life. Um... yeah, it was cute, in a kind of puppies-and-rainbows way. Because I'm a normal man in my twenties and I don't really go for the whole workmate's-little-nephew thing. I don't know why the fuck I had suddenly turned into such a pedo.

"I do indeed. Let's get you some cake." I doubt he would have an allergic reaction to one slice of cake, would he?

xxx

"I can't believe you ate an entire fucking chocolate cake," I said, patting Myde on the back as he vomited into a washing-up bowl. "Why would you even _do _that? You _knew_ you were gonna end up being sick, didn't you?"

"I r-really..." He coughed some more, but the puke itself was kind of subsiding now. "I like cake."

"You would think that you like _being alive_ more." I shifted slightly so I could hook an arm around Myde's skinny shoulders. The vomiting had almost finished and he was now mostly just coughing, his whole body still shaking and a slight rash cropping up on his cheek. "I can't believe I let you eat that cake."

"'S not your fault, you didn't know." Myde coughed, then picked up the glass of water I had got for him and sipped it. "I guess I should have known better, really."

_Yeah, you should, I was really worried for a minute there_. "Do you need me to call your uncle or something?" I asked, looking at him worriedly. He was still really cute, even if I had just witnessed him spewing his food everywhere.

"I'll be okay, Braig." He chuckled weakly. "This is your first time babysitting, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is, and to be honest I expected you to hate me. Most eleven-year-olds thoroughly object to being babysat." I looked down at the floor, because it was a nice floor, and because Myde was probably sick of me staring at his face by now.

"I did. I was _horrified_ when Uncle Even said he'd got me a babysitter. But then I met you, and..." OHMIGOD WUT. "Well, it doesn't seem all that bad any more."

I swallowed hard. _He's just a kid, what the fuck are you doing?_

"You are coming back, aren't you?" Myde asked, green eyes displaying his emotions like they were windows straight into his head. And he was scared... and anxious... and he wanted me to come back.

"Of course I am," I told him warmly, rubbing his arm. "Now, it's..." What time was it? "Quarter past nine. You've got fifteen minutes to get cleaned up and shit, and then you're going to bed."

He pouted at me. "Can't I stay up just a _little_ longer? There's an episode of Pokémon on at half nine I want to watch. Even's not coming back til eleven at the earliest. _Please, _Braig?"

Okay, YOU try and resist that pout. It was the most irresistible thing I'd ever laid eyes on. "Fine, but if your uncle finds out about it he will never get off my case, and I won't be able to come back, and he'll tell our boss who already thinks I'm irresponsible as all hell, and –"

"You can watch Pokémon with me if you want," Myde offered, looking up at me with wide eyes again. "You do like Pokémon, right, Braig?"

"Doesn't everyone?" I admit, I did love Pokémon. I had a special fondness for Piplup, Squirtle – all the water types, basically. "Go get yourself into your pyjamas, and we'll watch it together."

"Can I have some more cake as well?" he asked hopefully. I didn't deign to respond, just raised an eyebrow at him. He got the hint and scurried out of the room, grinning to himself.

I swallowed hard. Okay, there were several problems with this set-up. Not least that if I so much as looked at Myde, Even would freeze my balls. And the rest of me as well, probably. Then there was the whole paedophilia aspect... although, of course, I wasn't crushing on him. I _wasn't_. I just... I liked blondes... who had greeny-blue eyes... and soft skin...

SHIT.

Life, as I was destined to learn very soon, did not like me all that much.

xxx

**A/N: **Soooo... what do we think? Is it decent? Indecent? Do you want to hurt me via the internet for this disgrace to fanfiction? I bet you do. You know what would really hurt? You clicking that review button and typing some shit. That would really teach me a lesson.

Go forth and review, and/or read my other fanfics.

I LOVES YOU ALLS.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: I wrote another chapter. I think I might see this through to the end, but the end will be pretty damn soon, so don't get too excited.

xxx

After three weeks of babysitting Myde, I got to know him pretty well. I knew what he couldn't eat, what he shouldn't eat but usually did anyway, his favourite generation of Pokémon, and countless other random facts about the kid. Especially that he hated being called "kid". He was amazing on the sitar, great on the guitar and the bass, and decent on the banjo and the ukulele. And stubborn. Fuck, was he _stubborn_.

"You _know_ you're allergic to that! For God's _sake_, Myde!" I snatched the cheesecake from his hands and put it back in the fridge. It was exactly a month until his twelfth birthday and for some reason he was being really difficult today.

"You're not the boss of me, _Braig_," he shot back, reaching out to open the fridge but finding himself blocked by me. "I want some cheesecake."

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it...

HE'S POUTING AT ME OMG. "You'll be sick..." I muttered, moving out of the way of the fridge to let him in. If he was going to eat things he knew he was allergic to, well, on his own head be it.

He opened the fridge, took out the cheesecake again and stuck a fork in it. "Thanks Braig," he said sweetly. I just closed my eyes and leaned my head against the fridge, wishing that something would just go _right_ for me sometime soon. Xehanort was being a dick about everything and even though he had promised I wouldn't get hurt, I wasn't looking forward to confronting –

"Braig? Can you keep a secret?" I looked down at Myde, who had cheesecake on his chin. I grinned at him and nodded. "Well... I kinda have a girlfriend."

Of _course_. Of _course_ he had a girlfriend. Of _course_ he was straight. Of _course_ he would never, ever look at me twice because he liked _girls_, girls his own age, girls who wore pink and still had gaps in their teeth and giggled at the word "penis".

...Actually, I giggled at the word "penis" too.

"That's great, Myde," I forced out, reaching out and wiping the cheesecake from his chin with my sleeve. "Is she nice?"

He nodded. "Her name is Erlena." Stupid name. "She's got kinda weird hair, like two parts of it stick up like here," he gestured to where Erlena's hair stuck up, "and she really likes sharp things."

She sounded totally unsuitable. I had half a mind to tell Even.

Hehe, not really. I fucking hate Even.

Speaking of whom...

"Myde? Braig? I'm back early!"

I snatched the cheesecake from Myde's hands and started eating it myself. He'd only had about half a mouthful, anyway. No harm done. Even came into the kitchen to see Myde scowling at me for stealing his cake, and me eating it like I did not give a fuck, because to be honest, I did not give a fuck. "Braig, are you eating cheesecake with Myde in the room? Isn't that a little... insensitive?"

"Are you criticising my babysitting technique?" I asked coolly. Myde rolled his eyes but said nothing. He had learned by now that I almost always knew what I was doing, or at least was very good at pretending to know what I was doing. "Is there a particular reason you're back early, or do you just enjoy pissing me off?"

Even didn't look all that pleased at me swearing in front of Myde. "If you really _must_ know, Xehanort let all of us go early, because he needed to talk to Aeleus about something."

"What something?" I asked, glancing at Myde who was playing with his cellphone again. He probably wouldn't understand anything we were talking about, but imagine if he did, if he got interested, if he wanted to get involved in – no. No, the kid wasn't even twelve yet. I'd first gotten mixed up with all of this when I was fifteen. There was no need to panic about Myde just yet. He would be okay.

"Nothing important to any of us." I scowled at him like a teenage girl denied the latest gossip. "If you _must_ know, it was about Ienzo."

"I know an Ienzo!" Myde chirped, his face brightening slightly at the mention of the scrawny kid with blue-silver-lilac hair. "He works for some guys who took him in, it's kind of cool, really, he..." Myde trailed off when his phone beeped in his hand. I bet it was Erlena texting him again, that bitch. I mean, I wasn't _jealous_ or anything, but you see... um... well, I did have a suitable lie, but who was I even lying to in this situation? Just myself.

"Wait. Ienzo and Aeleus. You don't mean..."

Even nodded. "Apparently so. I don't know any details, so don't even trouble yourself with asking. Hopefully Aeleus will get to keep his job, because –"

"Well considering some of the stuff I've heard Xehanort say about Terra, I don't think he has a very big problem with paedophilia. It's always "perfect vessel" this and "beautiful puppet" that..." Even chuckled, then looked resentful of the fact that I had managed to make him chuckle. "Look, I should probably get home, since you're here now. I'll see you...?" It was a question, and I was hoping that Myde would pipe up again to answer, but he was too immersed in Angry Birds or whatever the fuck he was up to on his phone. Maybe texting his stupid girlfriend.

"I'll be working on Sunday, you can babysit Myde then." I nodded and set down the now-cheesecakeless plate on the kitchen side. "Goodbye, Braig," Even said with a stiff nod.

Myde looked up from his phone, green-blue eyes finding my gold ones, and suddenly he wasn't in the corner of the kitchen, and then suddenly he was hugging me instead. "Bye, Braig," he whispered, clinging to me.

"What's got into you, kid?" I chuckled, fighting a blush as Myde pulled away. "You've never done that before."

But I would be _very_ happy if you did it again.

"Don't call me kid!" Myde snapped, and I grimaced apologetically, wishing Even would leave the room. "And I just... I have a really bad feeling about... everything. I'm scared I'm not gonna see you again..."

I looked over to Even for support. "Myde," he said sharply, "don't be absurd. Braig will be here again on Sunday, won't you, Braig?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I said, grinning at Myde, who half-smiled back, looking a tad shy for some reason. "I'll see you real soon, kid."

"Don't call me –" But I was already out of the door.

After promising I would see Myde later that week, I didn't actually get to talk to him again for two months.

xxx

"Braig!" I cringed at the sound of my name being yelled by Myde, who I imagine was pink in the face and trembling with something scarily close to fury. "Where have you _been_? I haven't seen you in _two months_! You _missed_ my _birthday_! And then you _call_ me because you don't want me to see your _face_? What are you playing at, you idiot?"

I swallowed. "Look, Myde, I'm really, really sorry. It's just that... well..."

"Well what? It's just that what? What _happened_, Braig?" All of a sudden, Myde's voice went from loud and demanding to soft and needy. "I missed you. I was so scared that something had happened to you and..."

"Don't worry," I said softly, leaning against the wall of the phone booth for support. If I wasn't terrified of Myde's reaction to my face, I would march straight to Even's place and hug Myde and tell him that it was all okay. "I promise, I'm okay. Everything is okay. It's just... things got a bit messy at work..."

"How messy?" asked Myde slowly, and I knew that he was trying to guess what had actually happened. I exhaled, trying to figure out how much I should tell him, not wanting him to get curious and start looking for answers himself.

"Well, you've probably guessed already that I have a slight face injury..." One eye missing and a nice gaping hole, that was only a slight injury, right? "It's not pretty, so I'd rather you didn't ask to look under the bandages, next time I see you." God, that Terra kid was a little shit. Of course, he didn't know that shooting me in the face with _fucking darkness_ would make things even more complicated between me and Myde, but that didn't make it okay for him to ruin things for me.

"Okay. Um... Erlena and I broke up. And I got a stuffed Piplup thing for my birthday. I figured you might wanna know that since... y'know... Piplup is your favourite Pokémon."

So he's single, _and _he remembers my favourite Pokémon. Maybe things weren't so bad after all.

Or maybe they were worse, and the universe was simply waiting for the right moment to dump all of my problems onto me at once.

xxx

**A/N: **You can just tell that the universe is trolling Braig, can't you? Just like, "Oh, here's a really attractive guy, but you can never have him, and now I'm going to steal your eye, trolololol!"

You guys should go and read my oneshot "Cheesecake for breakfast" because I have decided that Demyx really likes cheesecake and this fanfiction depicts that beautifully. Also, it has XigDem in it, but I know you're only in it for the cake.

Reviews are cheesecake in another universe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: Hey look, another chapter. Enjoy.

xxx

"BRAIG!"

Myde had just knocked me to the floor. How the fuck had he grown so much in two months? "I was so _worried_! How could you not _call_ me? Or at least get Even to pass on a message, or send me a carrier pigeon, or _something_!"

I sighed, trying to ignore the fact that I was on the carpet and Myde was on my chest. "Honestly, you sound more like my girlfriend than the victim of my failish babysitting sometimes."

"...Girlfriend?" Myde repeated, his head tilting to the side. "Braig... do you _have_ a girlfriend?"  
"Why, kid, you jealous?" I smirked, chuckling when he started pouting. "No, I don't have a girlfriend. I don't particularly like women, to be honest."

"So... you're gay?"

I sat up, but rather than getting off me, Myde just shuffled slightly so that he was sitting in my lap. "Well, yeah. I mean, I've never actually... done anything... with a guy..." I scratched the back of my head, avoiding Myde's eyes. Apart from anything else, it was weird looking at him with only one eye.

"You know, that's why I broke up with Erlena. But we're telling everyone she dumped me, just to keep her happy, you know." Wait... so... Myde was... "I don't really know whether I'm gay or not, but, you know... I kind of... I really like this guy..."

"Who?" I asked softly, suddenly noticing my hands on Myde's waist.

He shook his head, smiling slightly. "I'm not telling you, you'll make fun of me." He reached out and brushed the bandages across my eye. "When are these coming off?"

I grimaced. "I don't think... I don't think they ever will." Myde looked blank. "I may never have use of this eye again."

"What even happened? Uncle Even wouldn't tell me..." Suddenly he seemed a whole lot more like a twelve-year-old than he had up to this point.

"I can't really tell you, kid. It's just –"

"Don't call me kid."

I nodded. "Sorry, Myde. It's just, my line of work... it's interesting, and it has its perks, but... it's dangerous."

Myde leaned forwards in my lap, hooked both his arms around my waist and buried his face in my neck. _Shit shit holy shit fuck shiiiiit. _"Promise me something," he muttered into my shoulder.

"Yeah?" I breathed, my heart pounding in my chest. I shouldn't have been feeling any of this, especially since this was just a kid, just a naïve, adorable, perfect, simple kid.

"Promise me you'll keep yourself safe. I don't care what you're trying to do." Myde leaned back again and looked me dead in the eye, face set and looking much older than he deserved to look. "I don't care if your boss will chew you out for it afterwards or if you're trying to save the world or if it means five of your co-workers die in your place. Keep yourself safe... for _me_... please."

"Myde, I –"

"_Listen_ to me, Braig. I was so lonely before you showed up. My parents gone and Uncle Even always working, leaving me alone until one time when..." He sighed and shook his head. "Anyway, my point is, I was so lonely. Nobody cared about me, nobody cared if I ate things I was allergic to or if I slept all day and played Pokémon all night, nobody cared and I didn't care about anybody. But you... I've never worried about anyone before you left me alone for two months." He bit his lip. "I would hate to lose you. I would hate it so much."

I nodded slowly, swallowing back tears. "I won't leave you like that again, Myde, I promise."

He reached up and traced a finger along the edges of the large, white plaster across my cheek. "I don't know what's gonna happen when Uncle Even realises that I'm fully capable of looking after myself, and that..."

"That you don't need me any more?"

Myde shook his head. "I'll _always_ need you, but I don't really need to be followed everywhere to make sure I'm not eating cheesecake." He thought for a moment. "I didn't touch anything I was allergic to while you were gone, you know. It wasn't really fun without you to yell at me afterwards."

"I never yell at you!" I protested.

"Yeah, you do. "Myde, you idiot, you _know_ you can't eat that!" And, "I _told_ you you'd be sick!" You yell all the time. You're just one of those people, I guess." He threaded his fingers through my hair, his eyes sparkling. "I like it."

I swallowed hard. "Good to know. I guess I quite like insolent little brats like you."

He pushed me backwards so that I was pinned to the floor again, his hands splayed across my chest. "You're gonna get it, Braig!"

"Ooh, I'm so _scared_!" I reached up and looped my arms around his neck. "What're you gonna do, _pout_ me to death?"

And before we knew what was going on, his lips were on mine.

"Shit," I hissed as we broke apart. "_Shit_... sorry, kid..."

"What've I said about calling me _kid_?" Myde scowled, settling back into sitting on me again. "And don't apologise. That was me, not you."

"Myde..." I took a deep breath. "That absolutely cannot happen again _ever_, all right?"

"Says who?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow at me.

"Says _the law_, you idiot. I could get arrested. I would never be allowed to see you again. We both need to forget that that ever happened, all right?"

Myde giggled. Well, at least I knew he was probably an uke. "I won't do it again, but I'm not gonna forget it. That was probably the best moment of my life."

"Myde..."

He gave me that charming smile of his. "Don't panic, okay? I'm not stupid. I can look after myself. You just keep that promise, all right?"

"You mean being _sensible_? Not getting killed and so on? That sounds so _boring_..."

"Braig." Myde just looked at me, fiercer than I thought he could look. "I mean it. You have to stay safe."

"Okay, okay." I put both hands on Myde's waist. "Do me a favour and get the fuck off me?"

"Why should I?" he asked, smirking slightly.

I sighed. "Because I really want to kiss you again, but I can't exactly do it because I just told you that we cannot do that ever again because –"

Myde cut my rambling off with a swift kiss and then hopped off of me, holding out a hand to help me to my feet. "Don't worry. It won't happen again." He smiled brightly at me. "Unless you _really _want it to."

Shit. "Myde, seriously."

"Okay, okay, I'll quit flirting with you."

He didn't, though.

xxx

"Braig, I need a word."

I looked to Dilan for help. He just shrugged in way that suggested "We all knew this day was coming" and nodded to Even before leaving me all alone with the uncle of the kid I had accidentally kissed three days ago.

"'Sup, Even?" I asked, as casually as I could, leaning against a workbench and hoping to high hell that I wasn't going to knock anything over. I had been knocking rather a lot of things over since losing the use of one eye. I could only see in two dimensions, which didn't really help if you were in a laboratory. Still, I was doing mostly okay.

"Braig, you have probably noticed that Myde is rather happy to have you back to babysit him."

You don't say? "Well... yeah... he kind of glomped me last night, little psycho that he is. But that's normal, isn't it?"

"Not for Myde, it isn't. He doesn't make friends, Braig. He doesn't like people in general. He normally spends his time alone in his room, or eating things he knows he shouldn't eat. You know he didn't do that while you were gone? It was like he was trying to be good, for you." Even tilted his head, examining me. I tried not to squirm. "What are you doing right?"

"You say that like I never do anything right," I laughed, scratching the back of my head nervously. "I don't know. I guess I just... I cared about him. I listened to him. I paid attention to him and I just... made friends with him. Maybe we're just compatible with one another."

Even gave me another calculating look. "I suppose... just... don't fuck up. I know it doesn't show, but I really do care about him. Don't hurt him."

It was almost like he knew. I mean, I really don't think he did know, but...

"I'll be sensible, Even, don't worry." I looked down at the floor. "Myde already made me promise that I'd look after myself and not do anything stupid."

Even nodded. "You really are doing him good, Braig."

Even is usually right, but this time...he was so fucking wrong.

xxx

**A/N: **D'aww, Braig and Myde kissed! D'aww. Can you just sense the shitstorm coming? Everything is just _bound_ to go wrong. And then you'll all hate me, and I will just sit here and enjoy your angry, rage-filled reviews. Speaking of which... reviews please?


	4. Chapter 4

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: Still going, oddly enough. I'll update A million munny eventually, if any of you reading this are also reading that. Have fun.

xxx

"Braig, I need a favour."

I looked up from Xehanort's latest report to see Even standing over me. "What's up, Blondie?"

He sneered at me. "Myde needs picking up from school but I'm in the middle of an experiment that needs careful observation. Can I trust you to get him home? I should be finished within about two hours."

I nodded. "Should be fine, yeah." Even nodded, then waltzed out of the room. "DILAN!" I bellowed. "Where the fuck are you?"

"Just finished my shift, why? What's going on?" Dilan asked, sticking his head around the door.

"Do I look okay?"

Dilan raised an eyebrow. "Since when did you give a fuck about your appearance, Braig?"

"Since I have to pick the kid up from school." Over the past few weeks, Dilan had heard rather a lot about Myde. "Do I look okay?"

"You know, it's a little odd that you care so much about the opinion of a twelve-year-old..."

I scowled. "Dilan, how many bullets do you want in your face?"

He smirked at me, his fingers drumming on the doorframe. "You look fine, apart from the giant gap in the side of your face and the rather intimidating eyepatch."

"But does my hair –"

"Just go and pick the kid up from school. By the way, I met this fascinating young man called –"

"Dilan, I don't care." I stood up. "You're sure my hair looks okay?"

"This man I met, he has a daughter." I grabbed my jacket and moved towards the door, but Dilan stood in my way. He seems to have an obsession with preventing people from leaving rooms ever since he got promoted to guarding the front door. Stuck-up cunt. "Her name is Erlena, and she recently dumped her boyfriend."

"No, she didn't, _Myde_ broke up with _her_ because he likes a guy." I realised a moment too late that I had just said exactly what Dilan had been hoping I would say. "Don't smirk at me like that, you fucker. What's your point?"

"My point," he said slowly, "is that if you're nice to me, I can find things out about Myde through Erlena's father."

I was silent, waiting for the terms and conditions.

"I could use your help with my own little romance, you know. With someone my own age, because unlike you and Aeleus, I'm normal." He paused to let the not-so-subtle insult sink in, knowing that I couldn't do much without risking him retracting his offer of help with Myde. "For now, though, here's a letter that I found on Erlena's dinner table. It's from Myde, to her. Now, you go and pick Myde up from school, and try not to bump into anything."

I snatched the letter out of his hands and started reading while I walked to Myde's school, trying not to bump into anything, because I really didn't need to give Dilan anything else to laugh at me about.

_Erlena,_

_First off, sorry about my handwriting. My hands are shaking like hell, so... yeah. I just needed to say... well... thanks for everything. I never really talked to anyone until I met Braig (yeah, I know you're sick of me talking about him all the time, shut up) and I'm really, really glad that we're still friends, because now I have someone I can actually tell stuff to when it happens. Because guess who just called me, after two months of nothing? Yeah. Long story short, he was injured at work, and he didn't want me to see it because apparently it's not pretty. It was really great to talk to him again, though, and I think he's coming over soon, so you know, I'll probably spend all day freaking out about it and you'll spend all day telling me to "Calm the fuck down, Myde, because nothing's going to happen" and if I'm lucky you'll only thump me once when you try to fix my hair, and then you'll walk me home and we'll talk about kissing techniques knowing full well that I will never use any of that information because he's fifteen years older. But you know._

_So yeah, anyway... thanks for always being there for me, even if you're really aggressive most of the time. I've never had a proper friend before, unless you count Braig, and I don't think that you can count Braig, because, well, I fancy him._

_-Myde :)_

Well, that was certainly –

"Stupid fucking tree!" I had just taken a branch to the side of the head and was now bleeding more than a little bit. "Fuck!"

The school gates were just up ahead. I strolled as casually as one can stroll whilst bleeding from the head, spotting the back of Myde's head straight away because his hair was pretty damn recognisable. He was standing with a blonde girl who could only have been Erlena, talking animatedly about something I couldn't quite hear yet.

"...so yeah, I think Uncle Even should be here soon, I don't know _why_ I can't walk home on my own like a _normal_ person..."

"Because you stepped in front of a car last time, you fucktard," Erlena said sharply. I stopped just out of their eye line, not wanting to look like I was eavesdropping or anything, because I totally wasn't, just listening without permission. "I know you weren't _trying _to kill yourself, but you nearly gave that poor driver a heart attack, and he was _this close_ to splattering your guts all over the street."

"I know, I know. Not my fault if my phone went off while I was crossing the road." I could just imagine him with that damn pout and his shoulders hunched over, looking adorable. "When is Uncle Even gonna get here? And what are you still doing, hanging around?"

"Waiting with you, genius. Don't want you running off and fucking _Braig _or something while you're on your own."

"Erlena!" Aww, he sounded so embarrassed. "You can't _say_ things like that! One day he'll hear you, or he'll read some of the stuff you write to me, or he'll see what you wrote on my notebook –"

"And then you'll get laid! He'll be all like, "Myde, I've seen the stuff that Erlena thinks you should do to me, and –""

"Shut up, okay? It's not funny." It _was_ kind of funny. She did a surprisingly accurate impression of me, actually. "If my uncle isn't here in the next five minutes, I'm walking home on my own."

"I'll walk with you if you want."

I took a few steps forward. "Hey, Myde."

"_Braig_!" he yelled, throwing himself at me. "What are you doing here?"

"Your uncle wants me to walk you home, he's working late. That okay with you?" He was clinging to me tightly, his face buried in my shirt and arms around my neck, swaying slightly on the spot.

"Totally. Absolutely fine." Myde pulled back slightly but his arms remained around my neck. "This is Erlena, by the way." He jerked his head in Erlena's direction. "She's a little... interesting."

"Can't be any more of a handful than you," I teased, ignoring Erlena's sniggering in the background. "You might wanna get your hands off me, kid, people will start –"

"Call me kid again, and you will be _very_ sorry." He smirked, and I noticed his fingers in my hair. "Erm – Braig, are you bleeding?"

Shit. "Aha. Well, see, when I was on my way here, I –"

"I told you to be _careful_," he pouted. I became distantly aware of the school gates pushing against my back and some part of my mind registered that he had pinned me. "You said you were gonna be _careful, _Braig. I don't want you getting hurt."

And then suddenly I remembered where we were, and what we were doing, and I pushed him away.

"Myde, stop it. _Now_. Let's get you home, okay?" Erlena was still somewhere in the background, observing me and Myde. "C'mon."

Myde sighed but let go of me, stepping back and looking over at Erlena. She was staring at me with icy blue eyes. "You make him really happy, you know."

"Erlena, _shut up_!" Myde hissed, before stalking off in front of me to walk to his house. I grinned at her, receiving a conspirational grin in return, and followed Myde without another word.

We arrived at his house and he opened the door, then tumbled into the kitchen. I heard the sound of the fridge being torn open and followed him, worried that –

"Relax, it's just an apple. Or am I allergic to them now as well?"

I took a deep breath. "Myde... do you eat things you know you're allergic to... because you want attention?"

He shrugged, biting off a chunk of apple. "I dunno. I like cake. Cake tastes really nice. And you know what else is really nice? When you're freaking out because you're scared I'm gonna go into shock or something, and for a moment or two I like to pretend that you care."

"What the fuck's got into you? Of course I care about you, do you really think that I would be here if I didn't?"

Myde scowled at me. "Don't give me that. Clearly you don't, or you wouldn't be running around bleeding from the head after telling me you were gonna be careful."

"I got hit by a branch on a fucking tree!" I protested, reaching up instinctively to touch where the branch had clipped me. The hair around it was sticky with blood. "Look, Myde, I'm sorry, okay? I really, really care about you. Those two months I didn't see you... they were awful. I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," he said softly, throwing his apple core into the bin and then slipping his arms around my waist. "It just scares me to know that you could be out there getting hurt, and I'm just sitting around at school or at home..."

"I'm fine, I promise. Losing my eye was a freak accident, nothing else." I swallowed, unable to ignore him clinging to me all the damn time. "Don't worry about me."

"I'll always worry about you. I love you, Braig."

"I –" I began, but stopped when the key turned in the lock of the front door. I pushed Myde away from me and opened the fridge, looking for things to eat. "Oh, hey, Even."

The universe really does hate me.

xxx

**A/N: **Even is, like, the original cockblock. I bet he's always hanging around Aeleus and Ienzo as well. Just like, "Oh, hi, fancy meeting you two here!" ...I shouldn't try and write author's notes at one in the morning. I've had a horrible, really manic day, and reviews would make me very happy. Please? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please? ...I sound pathetic.


	5. Chapter 5

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: Ugh. This chapter will probably be the last of its kind, if you get ma drift. If you do not get ma drift, don't worry about it because I don't either.

xxx

Another night of babysitting Myde and we were sharing a piece of cheesecake, my logic being that if I was eating it, he wouldn't have as much. Unfortunately, this arrangement meant that we were mere inches away from each other in the kitchen, both holding the same blue plate.

"You okay, kid? Don't feel sick or anything yet?"

He scowled at me, cheesecake adorning his chin and completely nullifying the anger in his eyes. "I thought I told you to stop calling me _kid_," he snarled, wiping cheesecake off his face but missing a little bit. I could take care of that for him... ahem... what? "And no, I don't."

I took a deep breath. "Look, kid, I, uh... is there anything you want to do tonight? It's just... I might not be around to babysit you much longer, and I figured, if there was anything you wanted to –"

"What d'you mean, you might not be around much longer?" Oh, fuck, Myde, please don't be difficult about this... "Braig, if you _dare_ get hurt again, I swear to God I will actually flip. Why wouldn't you be around to babysit me?"

"Well, see, the thing is..." I scratched the back of my head. To lie or not to lie, that was the question. "My boss, he's asked me to do something..." Do not tell him the whole truth. The partial truth, fine. The vague, smudged, sweetened truth, okay. But not the whole truth. "And it's just..."

"Don't do it," Myde said softly, spearing the last chunk of cheesecake with his fork and cramming it into his mouth. "You promised, Braig. You promised you'd be careful."

"I know I did, kid. I'm not gonna get killed or anything –" I reached out and touched the wooden countertop as surreptitiously as I could, just in case "– but if I'm injured, or even just because your uncle keeps making comments about how you're too old to need a babysitter, really, and you need to become more independent..."

Myde fixed his green eyes on me, silently begging for me to say something better, something more true, something that wouldn't tear at his insides because besides Erlena, I was the only friend that he had. "Braig... you _promised_. Please don't leave me on my own. I don't wanna be on my own any more." He shuffled towards me and without thinking twice (as if I ever think twice) I slipped my arms around him, feeling him shaking. "If I don't hear from you again after tonight, I'm gonna assume you're dead, and I'm gonna find someone else, all right?"

It was a sharp but oddly pointless threat and I think we both knew it. "Find someone else? You mean to tell me that –"

"Oh, please. I make it so obvious. Erlena's been instructing me on how to make it even more obvious. I'm not going to ask you to do anything, because you know, you'd get in trouble, but..."

"Myde." I swallowed. Fuck my job, Myde's feelings were more important than anything. "Listen to me very carefully, because this may be the only time that you receive the truth from me when it comes to things like this."

Myde bit his lip, pressing his forehead into my shoulder. "I'm listening," he said softly. I could feel his pulse through his shirt, racing out of fear, and hey, maybe being close to me as well.

"Well... today might well be my last day here, at least, wholly here." He didn't need to know the details, but he did need to understand the bits that were going to affect him. "Unless everything goes one hundred percent perfectly tomorrow, you won't see me again, you got that?"

He nodded against my chest. I had a feeling that he was saving all of his questions until the end, and set about mentally preparing myself for everything he was going to say, every word that was going to break my heart. "I got that, Braig."

"So here's what I need to tell you. I love you. And I know that I shouldn't, and I know how stupid it is of me, and I know all the pointless details that never seem to matter when I'm looking at your gorgeous face. And I want you to be happy. So tonight, we're gonna do whatever the fuck you want, as long as it isn't going to severely fuck you up somewhere down the line, and then when your uncle gets back I'm going to leave, and I want you to expect the worst." I swallowed, feeling both my eyes burning. "I want you to expect never to hear from me again. And I want you to get over me, and be happy. All right?"

He nodded. "When you said you weren't gonna be here any more... did you mean in Radiant Garden, or did you mean alive?"

"Both, probably. But enough about that. What do you want to do?"

He considered this. "Eat cake and biscuits and watch Pokémon with you and barely avoid throwing up and just generally prove to Erlena that you don't need sex three times a week to be happy with someone."

I smiled, shutting my eye and feeling two tears fall in quick succession down my cheek. "She doesn't think with the mind of a twelve-year-old, does she?"  
"She's actually thirteen, but yeah. I know what you mean. She can be a right bitch sometimes, but I think we're gonna be friends forever." He squeezed me tighter. "Then again, I thought that about you."  
"I'm always gonna love you, Myde," I whispered, rubbing his back.

"I know." He didn't say it back. He wasn't allowed to, considering that he was getting ready to lose me tomorrow. "C'mon, Pokémon starts soon."

It was a repeat of the episode we'd watched last week, but we sat through it anyway, mocking Ash and his stupidity and getting closer and closer to each other with every passing moment.

"Braig," Myde said quietly, and I turned to look at him, "I'm going to kiss you now."

And that's just what the cheeky little fuck did. I let him lead, let him push me down into the mattress and smirk against my lips when I half-whined and pulled him closer against me, let him have his way with me whatever that way was because he would almost definitely never have this opportunity again.

"Myde," I whispered against his mouth, "your uncle's gonna be back within the next hour –"

"Oh, shut up, you're shit at pretending to be responsible," he muttered, kissing me again. For a twelve-year-old he was pretty damn good. And at this point, I didn't care that I was kissing a little kid. For one thing, he wasn't just any kid, he was Myde, and he hardly acted his age. For another, I would probably be permanently out of his life by tomorrow, so no matter what we did now, things would be exactly the same for Myde.

"Braig," he murmured, kissing me deeper, needier, like he regretted not doing this months ago, "Braig, Braig, _Braig_..."

"You sure you're okay with this, kid?"

"Call me kid one more time..." he growled, his hands playing with my shirt like he wasn't sure whether he was brave enough to take it off me.

"Okay, okay. Let's just... get on with... whatever. Your uncle –"

"Is at work for now." Myde kissed me again, and I raised my head slightly, trying to get more of Myde's tongue in my mouth, his taste, his scent, every last piece of him because this was the only time I could ever have any.

We didn't do anything more than just kiss, although Myde's hands did wander more than they should have, and I admit that mine did too. Eventually I broke away from him, tucked him into bed without a word, and waited by the front door until Even showed up and wished me luck for tomorrow. Hah. _Luck_, for the horror that was tomorrow.

I just shook my head at him and left the house, knowing it would be my last ever time in this house and firmly believing it would be my final time seeing that ditzy blonde who was allergic to all his favourite foods.

In actual fact, it wasn't the last time I would ever see him, but I was going to have to wait a long while...

xxx

**A/N**: Soooo... yeah... hehehe... Braig and Myde splitting up, eh? That's... interesting... DON'T HURT ME PLEASE, THE STORY IS FAR FROM OVER, EVERYTHING WILL BE GOOD AGAIN, YAY. Reviews are much appreciated. Too tired. Going to sleep now. Night night.


	6. Chapter 6

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: Very slight time gap between this chapter and the last, and by very slight, I mean eight years and two months. Woo.

xxx

"So, Xigbar..." Axel, I had decided, was the single most annoying thing ever to inhale oxygen, and should never have been allowed into the Organization in the first place. "You been single ever since you lost your heart?"

"That's right, newbie," I told him, turning the page of the book I was reading and hoping that Axel wasn't trying to see what book it was. "Never met anyone I like."

"What, in... seven years, was it?"

"Eight years and two months," I corrected him automatically. Well, eight years and two months minus one day, because I was counting since the day I had last saw... _Don't think about it_. "Look, kid, why don't you go find someone else to bother? I'm busy."  
"Oh, yes, _very_ busy reading a magazine about _Pokémon, _tucked inside one of Zexion's big heavy books so nobody knows how dumb you are." _Don't lose your temper, Xigbar, don't lose your temper..._ "Would've thought you're a little old for that, really."

"Fuck off," I snapped, slamming Zexion's encyclopaedia shut with the magazine still in the middle. "Go and pester Zexion or Vexen, they're much more satisfying to torment. They actually yell at you; I'll just shoot you in the face."

Axel grinned at me. "You ain't so bad, you know. So how come you've stayed single for _eight years_? I mean, sure, you can't exactly feel love, but surely you'd want to find a decent bit of skirt and you'd be entitled to free sex so long as you remembered her birthday, right?"

I gritted my teeth. First off, I wasn't a big fan of blatant chauvinism, and second, _shut the fuck up, Axel_. "If you _must_ know," I growled, "I'm saving myself for someone."

This is going to sound so pathetic, but in the eight years and two months since I had last seen _him_, I had never been even close to having sex with anyone else. Not even so much as kissing. What's more, I used my days off to keep an eye on him (and Erlena, I guess, because the two of them were inseparable, and she may have been a bitch but at least she seemed to have his best interests at heart) and I had even taken the time to think through what his name might be if he joined. Not that I _wanted_ him here, because that would mean that... I didn't want to think about it too much. All I knew was that he would be number IX now that we had that dipshit of an eight, and therefore his room would be the one across the hall and four to the right of my own, which meant that as long as I timed it right, I could always casually bump into him on the way down to breakfast –

Okay, maybe I had spent a little bit too much time thinking about the stupidest of possibilities.

That grey... erm... Thursday? Thursday sounded right. That grey Thursday went from bad to worse. First there was Axel being a douche, thinking he was entitled to special treatment just because Saïx didn't hate him very much yet, or maybe just because he had the gayest hair out of all of us, narrowly beating Xemnas himself, who was none too pleased to overhear the conversation in which it was declared that Axel did indeed look more gay than the Superior. So now we had a grumpy boss, an annoying redhead under our feet, and there was news that we were getting a new member. I didn't dare get my "hopes" up as to who it might be. I was going to be on a long, gruelling mission for a few days, so I'd miss their arrival and hopefully bypass the obnoxious newbie phase that Axel had been locked in for two weeks.

"You got everything you need?" Xaldin stood in my doorway, once again checking up on me because I had proved on more than one occasion that I could be a little, um, irresponsible. As demonstrated by giving cheesecake to kids with severe cheesecake allergies eight years previously. And then kissing said kid. Both of these things were things that Xaldin knew about. I had somehow ended up telling him everything about my pathetic little life in a game of Truth Or Dare last year, and now he looked at me slightly more sympathetically when I slunk off to "nowhere in particular" on my days off, or flinched away from randomers trying to flirt with me because it just felt wrong, because they were not _him_.

Anyway, enough sentimental crap. I don't even have a heart to care about him with.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? You'll be out for at least three days, have you definitely –"

"_Yes_, Xaldin. Don't let anyone anywhere near my room while I'm gone, okay?" I finished cramming things into my pockets and threw my hood up. "If I'm not back after five days, come looking for me." Xaldin nodded, knowing that it was more a recommendation than an order, and pressed something into my hand.

"What..."

"Snagged it from Vexen a while ago. He may have lost his heart, but he's still the kid's uncle. He kept it as a good luck charm or something, I don't know. Just thought you'd like it." It was a cheap, plastic bracelet, the same shade of blue as his bedsheets had been, and slightly chewed in one place. "Come back in one piece, okay?"

"Sure, sure," I said, waving a hand nonchalantly and slipping his bracelet onto my own wrist. I was kind of freaking out about having _his_ bracelet, but you know, I'm a Nobody and I can't really give as much of a fuck as I would like to.

xxx

I stumbled back through the portal after defeating that huge-ass Heartless with bruises all over me, aching bones and the urge to sleep for weeks on end. Okay, just to drag my ass to my room, have a nice hot shower...

"I keep getting lost, it's such a huge castle..."

I froze in my tracks. That voice sounded remarkably like...

"Yeah, yeah, Demyx, quit your whining."

_Demyx_. You had the M and the Y... and the D... and the E...

"YOU!" And the indignant screaming at me for something that wasn't my fault to start with. "You _cunt_! You absolute, total, complete _dick_!"

I kept my good eye shut, not wanting to open it, not wanting to find that my subconscious was playing some cruel trick on me... "Um... hi?"

"Oh, Demyx, you know Xigbar? I swear he left for his mission before you arrived." Axel, do the world a favour and choke to death on your own dick. "I'll just leave you two to catch up or some shit. I dunno. I just want food." I still didn't open my eyes, but I could hear and sense Axel walking off, and I knew that _he_ was going to be standing there when I got up the guts to take a peek.

"Open your fucking eyes," he hissed, "and let's have a _conversation_."

I had a feeling that the conversation we were about to have wasn't going to contain any of the friendship we had had before now, nor would it involve physical contact. At that thought, my body remembered how much it wanted physical contact with _him_, and I swallowed, feeling my throat growing dry.

I prised my functioning eye open slowly, carefully. "Hi," I said again, sounding more and more like a shy teenage girl with every second that passed.

Really, though, I couldn't help it.

He was _gorgeous_.

He had been gorgeous before, of course, but this was a different type, a more mature, muscular, tall, masculine gorgeous that caught me completely off guard. And he was glaring at me as though ready to hit me with all the powers of hell, which just made him look even sexier.

"You said I would never see you again. I thought you were _dead_." He walked forwards until he was directly in front of me, only half an inch shorter and definitely the more intimidating of the two of us. "I cried for _weeks_, I wouldn't leave the _house_, I didn't _eat_ or _sleep_, I got five Piplups to Level 100 within, like, twenty minutes, I was so screwed up, simply because you decided to swan off to this fucking _Organization_ and make it sound like you were fucking doomed!"

"I thought I was, Myde – Demyx..." He scowled even more, clearly not appreciating me calling him Myde instead of Demyx. I bit my lip and took hold of one of his wrists gingerly, relieved when he didn't pull away. "I thought I was going to die, or if not die, then lose my heart, and maybe a limb or two as well. And you were too young to explain all of that to, so I just –"

"Too young? _Fuck_ you, _Xigbar_." He said my name with more venom than I had ever heard my name spoken before, probably angry that it wasn't Braig any more. "I would've understood perfectly. Why did you always think I was an idiot? Did my uncle tell you I'm an idiot? Or was it just because I was such a little kid?"

Unable to stop myself, I answered "You still are a little kid."

He opened his mouth to begin yelling at me, and I braced myself, but he just ended up falling into my arms, pressing his forehead to my shoulder as usual, although it felt rather different now that he was only a tiny bit shorter than me, not to mention muscled and angry and _hot_. "I missed you so much, you enormous fucktard."

"I missed you too, kid."

He growled into my shoulder. That growl, coupled with the fact that this was _him_ in my arms, did very interesting things to my body. "Do _not_ go back to calling me _kid,_ Br-Xigbar."

"You nearly called me Braig," I said softly, my hand running up and down his back methodically.

He nodded, clinging to me, needy and pleading. "Yeah, well. You called me Myde a minute ago. I think we're gonna take a while to get used to this, aren't we?"

"Yeah. I'm just glad to have you back, kid."

Don't put your knee _there_, oh, fuck...

"Something wrong, Xigbar?" he asked, leaning back and moving his knee even further forwards, smiling evilly at me.

"Nothing at all," I ground out, clutching his upper arms and biting down on my tongue.

He leaned forwards again and whispered, "Are you _sure_?"

I suddenly remembered we were in the middle of the hall, Vexen was still the kid's uncle even if things were a little different now, and Xemnas would probably have my head for fraternizing, and pushed him away. "I'm not playing this game, kid."

"What game?" he asked innocently, moving to get closer to me, but I stepped backwards swiftly, inwardly kicking myself when his innocent smile disappeared.

"The game in which you wind me up, get me excited, and then either remind me that you're too young for me, or your uncle walks in."

He grinned again. "I never planned on my uncle walking in, you know. If I had had it my way, we would have been on our own, and we could have done everything that –"

"Okay, okay, just stop talking." I sighed. "You're such a little... ugh! I'm going to take a shower."

He had clearly grown up a lot, because where he would usually have blushed a little at the thought of me naked, he giggled. "Can I come too?"

I didn't even bother answering, just went into my room and slammed the door behind me, suddenly very confused and hyperventilating rather a lot.

Okay, shower. Shower with plenty of cold water, and avoid the little blonde mindfuck as much as possible. Good plan. Okay... deep breaths...

Who the _fuck_ is at my _fucking_ door?

"Xigbar? Xigbar, it's me. I need a word."

"Fuck _off_, Xaldin, I'm having a crisis!" I bellowed, falling onto my bed and beginning to consider suffocation by pillow so I wouldn't have to face little blonde mindfuck at dinner.

"I know you are, that's what I want a word about!" Xaldin called through my door. "If you don't let me in I'm just going to have to open a dark corridor and –"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, _fine_!" I snapped, getting up and wrenching the door open. Xaldin stood there with a sandwich in one hand and a bottle of orange fizzy something-or-other in the other hand, looking completely unconcerned as he strode into my room and kicked the door shut behind him, then thrust the food into my hands.

"So that you don't have to go down to dinner if you don't want to," he explained, and I just nodded, slightly nonplussed by his apparent calmness in the face of _him_ suddenly turning up, sans one heart but still the same annoying little cocktease who probably didn't even understand exactly how much he was messing me up. "So... that's him?"

"Yeah," I said hoarsely.

Xaldin smirked. "He's cute."

I scowled heavily at him, but of course he was about twice my size so I didn't dare rip his throat out and staple it to the ceiling the way that I was oddly tempted to do. "I've had dibs for eight years and two months. And three days."

"Yeah, yeah, okay. I like blondes, is all. Is he clever?"

I bit my lip. "Depends on what kind of clever you mean."

"I mean, like that guy I was dating, the gambler with the beard."

I chuckled. "Oh, _hell_ no. He's... kind of... clever musically, I guess, but not like, intelligent, you know?"

Xaldin nodded. "You rather like him, don't you?"

I nodded. "Unfortunately, yeah... I do."

xxx

**A/N**: Nothing interesting to say except that I love all of you for reading this and if you hate me for my terrible writing or whatever then feel free to let me know. Also it should be noted that I LOATHE the pairing between Xaldin and Xigbar and if I encounter anyone who ships them together I'll... I'll... I can't think of a decent threat. I'll just sit here with my laptop and pout, that's what I'll do! Fear me. I pout.


	7. Chapter 7

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: Uploading before midnight? Lolwut? I have sparkly green nail polish on and it has inspired me to write more (and look more fabulous.)

xxx

After a night of trying to sleep but failing at sleeping, eventually giving up at two in the morning, getting up and pacing my room, thinking about Demyx, doing things while thinking about Demyx (yes, that means what you think it means), reading more stuff about Pokémon because... I'm not actually sure why I keep doing that, but anyway, after a night of being incredibly restless, I felt shit. At six, my alarm went off, so I got dressed, brushed my teeth, and then sat on the end of my bed for ten minutes staring into space. As in, I opened a hole in space and stared into it. Demyx was still asleep.

I wasn't creeping on him or anything, I just wanted to check that he was okay. Honestly.

I sighed and shut the hole. There was no point hanging around up here. I could bet my bottom dollar that Xaldin wasn't thoughtful enough to bring me breakfast as well, so I might as well go down and grab something to eat before little blonde mindfuck, as I had taken to calling him within the twisted confines of my own head, got up.

Okay, cornflakes. Kind of meh, as breakfast foods go, but better than hanging around in the kitchen making food and waiting for Demyx to waltz in and seduce me.

"Ew, cornflakes." Zexion was turning up his nose at my breakfast. Stuck-up EMO cunt, why wasn't he still in bed with Lexaeus? Or the better question, why hadn't Lexaeus squished him yet? "Have you met the new kid yet? Demyx?"

Have I met Demyx. Have I... shit.

"Yeah, I have," I said quietly. "What d'you think of him?"

Zexion almost sort of smiled. Maybe he was in pain. "I think he's _adorable_. Why, what do you think of him?"

I think he's _mine_ and you should go fuck yourself, that's what I think. Although I couldn't really say that to him, so I just shrugged. "Seems okay. A little annoying, but then, so is Axel."

"Who are you two talking about?" asked a voice from behind us, and I turned to see Xemnas strolling into the kitchen, wearing slippers that looked suspiciously like Saïx's.

"The new guy, Xigbar thinks he's annoying," said Zexion, sticking some bread into the toaster. He says he likes his toast like he likes his soul, black and flavourless.

Xemnas blinked. "How is he _annoying_? He's adorable!" Okay, now I was severely fucked off. "You had better not give the kid a hard time, Xigbar, I'm warning you now..."

"Wha's ev'ryone talkin' 'bout?" asked a sleepy voice from the kitchen door, and there stood Demyx in all his shirtlessness, somehow managing to remove all the air from my lungs and all the moisture from my mouth, probably in order to compensate for all the blood flowing into my trousers.

The atmosphere suddenly shifted from high-school-bitchy to warm and welcoming, which was deeply disconcerting. "Nothing important, Demyx, don't worry," Zexion said, sounding almost human for a change. "You want some breakfast?"

_Why_ hasn't Lexaeus just squished him yet?

"Um, okay, can I have some cornflakes?"

"Gluten." Three pairs of eyes swivelled to stare at me. "The cornflakes have gluten in them, Demyx. You'll have a stomach ache."

Xemnas raised an eyebrow. "And you know this how?"

"Oh, I knew Xigbar years and years ago. But my allergies have all cleared up now!" Kid, you are the single shittiest liar I have ever observed, and that's saying a lot. "Pass me to cornflakes, please, Xigbar?" He was giving me that _damn_ pout again. No way was I going to fall for it. No way was I going to be distracted by his lack of a shirt and his... his low-waisted trousers and his big green-blue eyes and that mouth and...

"Are you going to give him the damn cornflakes or just stand there glaring at him, you one-eyed dickwad?" Zexion asked, back to his usual bitchy self again. I gritted my teeth and handed Demyx the stomach ache in a box, then sulked my way back upstairs to my room.

Things were just going to get shittier and shittier.

xxx

It soon became apparent that Demyx was the baby of the Organization. He was the youngest, only a few months younger than Zexion, but that wasn't what everyone seemed to like about him. Maybe it was the fact that he was Vexen's nephew and the only person that the mad scientist – I mean, the brilliant scientist didn't always yell at or get pissed off with. I think it might have had something to do with the big blue-green eyes and soft blonde hair, not to mention his habit of walking around shirtless, and even Saïx had been spotted drooling over the unfortunate kid now and again. He seemed to be oblivious to all the attention he was getting, and if I hadn't spent several months having my affections toyed with by him, I would have seen him the way everyone else did; a harmless, sometimes clumsy little blonde who didn't have the first clue about other people's opinions of him.

He kind of dropped the act when he was around me, though.

"You're going to be partnered with Demyx for your mission today, Xigbar." I dropped my spoon onto the kitchen floor and spent the precious few seconds in which the clattering masked my voice to speak a few swearwords. "Is that going to be a problem?"

Yes, majorly, and I would appreciate it if you could pair him with his uncle so that I wouldn't have to worry about him getting felt up, but I wouldn't have to let him mess with my head again either.

You can't really say shit like that to Xemnas though, so I just shook my head and went to find little blonde mindfuck and check that he had plenty of Potions and so on, because to be honest the only fighting he was capable of required a DS and a copy of some or other Pokémon game.

"Demyx?" I knocked on his door. "You in there?"

"Just a second!" There was a series of thuds, a couple of mild swearwords, and then he opened the door and grinned at me, clearly trying to judge my reaction to his lack of clothing. All he had on was a towel around his waist, and it wasn't a very sturdy-looking towel either. "What's up, Xigbar?"

"You and I are on a mission together today. Recon in some other world. Make sure you've got plenty of items and everything, because I'm not sharing any of mine, understood?"

Demyx pouted at me. "How come you barely talk to me these days, Xigbar?"

"Because you're kind of too busy going around pretending to be sweet and innocent and charming, and I don't want to talk to you while you're acting like something you're not. Make sense?" I was kind of being a bitch, but to be honest I was just sick and tired of this kid messing me up in the head all the damn time. "Look, just get dressed and let's go."

All of a sudden there was a hand locked around my wrist and a sharp tug had pulled me into Demyx's room. The door slammed behind us and my first thought was, in all honesty, _Can I have sex with you now? I've kinda been waiting a while..._

"You're an _idiot_, Xigbar, you know that?" He pushed me against the door and I couldn't seem to form a logical thought, not that I really wanted to anyway. I was too busy enjoying the little blonde mindfuck that was pressed up against me, wearing nothing but a towel... ah, fuck. "I have to act all innocent and cute, because if they think I'm just a sweet little kid, how are they going to guess that we do things like _this_?" To demonstrate the meaning of _this_ he pressed his lips to mine, his arms circling my neck as he tried to dominate the kiss, but fuck if I let that happen. I suddenly wished I wasn't wearing gloves as my hands spread out across his waist and pulled him closer...

Wait a second. Something was not right. Something was badly not right.

We were supposed to be going on a mission.

Technically, we should have left five minutes ago.

I pulled away, ignoring the pathetic little noise he made when my lips left his, and prised his hands off the back of my neck. "We are _not_ doing this, kid. Not in the same corridor as your uncle's room. Not now. We have a mission, remember?"

"Forget the mission. Xemnas won't mind..." he breathed, looking up at me with the most pleading eyes you've ever seen. "My uncle is downstairs in his lab. Please, Xigbar? I've missed you..."

I swallowed. "I've missed you too, kid, but we really can't –"

"Do not call me _kid_," he growled, beginning to tug threateningly at the zip of my cloak but not actually pulling it down. "One of these days I will make you _pay_ for patronising me all the fucking time."

"Demyx." Just be firm with him, do not let him get his own way. "Just get your clothes on and get your shit together, and then we'll leave for our mission. Got it?"

On my way out of the door, I felt a damp towel hit the back of my head, and grabbed it. _Do not turn around on your way out of the door._ I just clutched the towel in my hand and tried not to think to hard about where it had been.

Well, recon with Demyx was going to be... interesting...

xxx

**A/N**: I figured I would upload tonight because one of my bestestest friends was off school ill today and she's reading this fic, and I couldn't think of a better way to cheer her up a little so I just delivered her a chapter of crappy fanfiction. I feel like shit. Exams and shit, you know. Fun times, fun times. Any thoughts on this chapter? :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: Things have been so _weird_for me lately, I cannot even describe it. HUGE highs and HUGE lows. 'Tis all very peculiar. Anyways, enjoy :D

xxx

I had to wonder whether Demyx was trying to get us killed, or whether he was just aiming to get us maimed, or seriously injured. He could barely keep himself alive, let alone help me any, and as for killing a decent amount of Heartless and making intelligent observation because, you know, it's _recon_ and that is what it is _for_... anyway. He was still breathing after about an hour, which I decided was a good thing, more or less, and kind of exhausted from having his ass handed to him by Shadows. I was kind of exhausted from saving his ass from said Shadows, but he was only a little thing, and I had to put his needs before mine.

"Xigbar... I'm... oh, God. I feel sick." He laid his head on my shoulder, my painfully bruised shoulder, and I winced. "Shit, are you hurt? You should've said something..." He started rummaging through his backpack for a Potion. "Coat off."

"What? Demyx, you can't –"

"You have ten seconds to take it off before I rip it from your body and soak it with water." He scowled at me, a cute little blonde scowl that didn't scare me as much as he wanted it to. "Ten... nine..."

"Okay, okay, I'm taking it off." I just dropped it off my bruised shoulder, exposing as little of the scarred skin as I could, and looked away as he started applying Potion to the joint. "Fuck..."

"Aw, I'm sorry, did that hurt?" He started massaging the Potion into my skin, which was totally not necessary but really quite enjoyable. _Really_ enjoyable. "Just relax, yeah?"

"Um... I think we were meant to... be doing something... I think..." That sounded sort of vaguely responsible. I had done my duty now, and could just enjoy him rubbing my shoulder like this.

Until I noticed that his hands were slowly sneaking their way into my coat, trying to remove it surreptitiously. Something about that set off alarm bells in my head. What was it, again?

Oh, yeah. Demyx was fifteen years younger than me, and his creepy uncle would have my dead body for science if I so much as felt the kid's ass... that perfectly shaped ass...

I mean, um, I was aware of how inappropriate this interaction was, and wanted to handle it sensitively, taking care not to hurt the kid's feelings.

"Demyx, don't..." I pushed him away gently and zipped up my coat all the way to the top, adjusting my hair slightly because, hey, I have to look good when I'm rejecting the affections of little blonde mindfucks. "Look, you need to stop that."

"You didn't seem to mind it when I was younger," Demyx pouted, grabbing one of my hands. "When lickle Myde with the big blue eyes pushed you back onto the bed and kissed you –"

"Yeah, okay, I remember." Fuck, I remembered. "But that was one time, when I was convinced that you and I were never going to see each other again, and I wanted to let you get all of that out of your system so that you wouldn't wish later on that you could have, you know?"

Demyx sighed. "I liked you better when you were the most irresponsible man Uncle Vexen ever worked with."

I scowled. "I haven't changed a bit, kid, it's just that the circumstances –"

I found myself flat on the ground, looking up at the treetops with Demyx on my chest, glaring at me like I had just punched him. "I am so _sick_ of you _patronising_ me, you annoying, selfish, careless old –"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Old? Selfish? Careless? I mean, annoying, sure, but you're being a little harsh about –"

Demyx interrupted me, not interested in my point of view any more. "You're selfish as hell, Xigbar, and you know it. That day when I was twelve, when you were leaving, you weren't _letting_ me do anything, you just wanted to get some before you went off on your big adventure, right?" I opened my mouth to tell him _What the fuck it wasn't like that and you know it_, but he clamped a hand over my mouth to keep me quiet. "And careless. You got your eye shot out, for one thing, and you're always biting off more than you can chew," (he didn't seem to realise the irony of _him_ saying that, when he was more than anyone would ever be able to chew) "and you just generally seem to stick your middle finger up at the world when you should be paying more attention to other things."

I managed to prise his fingers away from my face and struggled to sit up even a little bit, so that it was easier to look him in the eye. "Look, Demyx, you _know_ that I care about you. I cared about you before and I still do now." Even if we don't have hearts to care with, but you know, minor details. "You can't think even for a second that what happened on the day that I left was just because I wanted a quick kiss. I was so desperate to just tell you that I loved you, and to hear you say that you loved me too, because I knew that there was a danger that in twenty-four hours' time, I wouldn't have a heart to love you with. Maybe we should've done things differently." The anger in Demyx's face was starting to soften now. "Maybe we should have run away or some shit. Rented an apartment and found jobs as, I don't know, carpenters or some shit."

"Carpenters?" Demyx laughed. "No way. I would be a plumber."

I grinned. "You could be Mario, I could be Princess Peach."

And that's how I spent my recon mission; on the floor of a forest, Demyx sitting on my chest and laughing with me, and completely forgetting that I didn't have a heart, and so wasn't entitled to feel.

xxx

"So, Xigbar..." I looked up from my fruit salad – because I'm a healthy motherfucker – and grimaced at the sight of Axel's annoying face. "What do you think of Demyx?"

"I think he's okay," I shrugged. "Why?"

Axel grinned evilly. It didn't look all that evil, really. It was the sort of look I expect he gave to girls in skimpy outfits at nightclubs, who only looked at him twice because their heads and bodies were poisoned with fuck-knows-what. "Demyx and I talk, you know."

"Yeah, and?" I asked, sticking my last strawberry into my mouth. Now all I had left was the grapes. I didn't even like grapes...

"_And_, Demyx talks about you a _lot_," he smiled, reminding me of creepy popular girls in high schools. "You wanna know what he says about you?"

"If you wanna tell me," I answered with a shrug, subjecting myself to two grapes at once in the hope that I could get them over and done with sooner rather than later. Of course I didn't really care about Demyx and Axel's gossiping, but it would be nice to have a bit of insight as to what little blonde mindfuck _actually _thought of me.

"He wants into your pants, Xigbar. Real bad. And he wants you to want him. He gets so worried sometimes." Axel put on a squeaky voice, which was probably supposed to represent Demyx. "_What if Xigbar doesn't like me? What if I'm not old enough for him? What if I'll never be old enough for him? What if, what if, oh my God, I'm such a pussy!"_

I felt my face set. "He doesn't sound like that." It was automatic, really, to get pissed off at Axel for making fun of him. Demyx was the baby of the Organization, and everyone protected him, tried to make him happy. I was only following their example.

"Ooh, defending him? Maybe you like him more than he thought you did. You should talk to him." Axel reached over and took one of my grapes. Well, fuck him, I don't even _like_ grapes. "But maybe keep it quiet. Vexen would flip."

"Yeah, he would. Hey, wait – I don't – me and Demyx – don't even... what?"

Axel chuckled. "Well, it's pretty clear that you prefer guys, and it's _definitely_ clear that Demyx prefers guys, he's so damn girly it's untrue. And you two would be kinda cute together, and let's be honest here, the sexual tension between you two..."

"Oh, come on, there's no sexual tension," I scoffed, trying not to think about the previous day, when he had pinned me to the floor. "Look, Axel, can you go and be a dick elsewhere?"

Axel shook his head cheerfully. "Not til I've helped Dem out, I can't. Look, I'll ask you straight, do you like Demyx?"

I sighed. "Yes, I do. Now will you kindly fuck off?"

"Sure thing. You know I'm going to get you and Demyx together if it's the last thing I do, right? It looks like that's the only way of making Demyx shut up about you, so you know... don't think I care about you two or anything."

With that, he sauntered out, and I was left with the mind-shattering notion that maybe he wasn't quite as much of an asshat as I had thought he was.

xxx

**A/N**: Hey you gorgeous people, can you do me a favour? My girlfriend (yes, I have one of those now, BE JEALOUS) is on this lickle website known as (perhaps you've heard of it) under the name My Unicorn Romance, and it'd be great if you could read her stuff. She's pretty new so I'm trying to get her readers via my fanfiction. And before I get any banal questions, yes, I am a dudette myself, yes, I am dating a fellow dudette, yes, I do like both guys and girls, and no, I have not had, nor will I ever have a threesome. Thank you and good night. Oh, and review. I like it when y'all do that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: I just got home from walking to the shop all by myself for the first time ever. I swear I'm closer to ten than fifteen sometimes. Still, at least now I have orange juice, and I can upload fanfiction. I didn't get killed, and all in all, it was a successful trip.

xxx

I was taking Axel's advice.

I was taking _Axel's_ advice.

_I _was taking Axel's advice.

Whatever inflection you put on it, it sounded bizarre. But here I was, knocking on Demyx's door, having decided to talk to the kid about the feelings we didn't have and the relationship we couldn't have.

"Demyx?" I called when he didn't answer. "Demyx, you in there?"

Well, if he wasn't in there, it wouldn't hurt to go in and have a look.

His room was smaller than mine, which made sense considering his rank, and anyway, he had always preferred smaller, cosier spaces to big empty ones. Lying on his bed, practically jumping up and down and begging me to read it was his journal. (I tried keeping a journal. It lasted a whole week before I got bored of it and used it for target practise instead.) I sighed, figuring that if the worst came to the worst and he walked in on me reading his cute little journal, I could just apologise my ass off and he would probably forgive me.

Random page. No point looking for my name, since he wouldn't write about little old me in his special important journal.

_Recon with Xigbar tomorrow. I'm going on recon with Xigbar tomorrow._

_I am so. Fucking. Nervous._

_I don't believe any of this shit about us not having hearts, you know. I mean, sure, I can't feel my pulse anymore, and nothing flutters when I look at a certain someone whose name I won't mention, but I still **feel**. Not as strongly as I used to, sure, but I can still be nervous or happy or angry or whatever. I mentioned this to Axel and he said that I was just pretending to myself, remembering the way that feelings used to feel, but I don't think so somehow._

_I think I'm feeling. I think I'm in love, I think I'm scared, I think I'm lonely. Xemnas says that the thing that sets Nobodies apart from Heartless is that Nobodies can think. So here's me thinking: Fuck. I'm so upset. I miss my old house and I miss my Piplup toy thing and I think I am in love._

_Fuck all the "We don't feel" bullshit, I know that there's something, maybe not all that strong, maybe not all that clear, but I'm feeling right now and it hurts._

_On another note, I have a really painful rash all the way up my left arm because I snuck some cheesecake when Vexen and Xigbar were busy. Fighting isn't gonna be fun tomorrow. I might just hide behind Xigbar and hope for the best._

Well. That was interesting.

There was the sound of the door opening and I jumped halfway out of my skin, tossing Demyx's journal back onto his pillow and darting to the door as Demyx pushed it all the way open. "Um... hi, Xigbar..." He looked mildly surprised to find me in his room. "What are you..."

"I was looking for you, kid." He bristled. This conversation was clearly off to a great start. "Sorry, Demyx."

He shrugged. "It's nothing." Wait, what? "I was just showing the new guy around. Luxord, this is Xigbar. Xigbar, this is Luxord, number ten."

"Nice to meet you," said the blonde behind Demyx. I kind of hadn't noticed him before now. I was looking at Demyx, because you know... it's Demyx. "I like your eyepatch."

"I like your earrings," I returned sharply, sounding just as insincere as he did. "So, Demyx, how come you got the task of showing the newbie around? Everyone else busy?"

"Well, clearly you were," he smirked, his eyes darting to his journal. Ah. Shit. "It's just because I'm the lowest rank here – well, I was." He was clearly pretty pleased at being above someone else for a change. "Axel offered to do it, actually, but Luxord said he'd prefer me." Luxord (which, let's be honest, is a fucking stupid name) nodded in agreement.

"I can't blame you there, Axel's a bit of a dick." Not as much of a dick as I had thought at first, I admit, but pretty damn dickish. "When's your next mission, Dem? I need to talk to you as soon as possible."

"Well, I'm gonna be helping Luxord out for the next couple of days, but I guess tonight after I get back from Wonderland..."

"That'd be great. I should probably get out of your room now, huh?"

Demyx shrugged. "I don't mind, but you've probably got important stuff to do, huh?" He said it like the idea of me doing anything important was kind of amusing. It was, actually. I just shot at things that pissed me off and did what Xemnas told me to do (mostly).

I left and Demyx and Luxord went into Demyx's room, which I tried not to worry about. Really, it didn't matter. I couldn't be jealous even if I wanted to, right? Because I couldn't feel, right?

xxx

That night, after Demyx got back from Wonderland, he stumbled into my room with a nasty burn on his cheek and a completely empty backpack.

"He's... he's a worse fighter than _me_, Xigbar," Demyx panted, as I steered him over to my desk chair and started smearing Potion onto the burn on his right cheek. "I used like _all_ of my Potions and healing magic on him, and I'm exhausted and I ache all over and..."

"It's okay, Demyx, don't worry." I smoothed some stray hair out of his face so that I could reach the edges of the horrible red burn mark. "He'll get better really fast. You did. You were absolutely awful when you first got here, remember?"

"I'm still awful now," he said dejectedly, his head hanging slightly. I sighed, wondering where the hell he had got the odd notion that we could feel, and wondering what the ache in my chest was.

"You aren't awful, Dem. I'm not going to tell you that you're the best, because you know that's bullshit. _I'm_ the best." He smiled a little. That's a good sign, right? I was really shit at this. "But you are pretty good. And now you've got someone to be better than, right?" He nodded slowly. "What do you think of Luxord?" I continued, finishing with the burn on his cheek and noticing his bleeding ankle. I grabbed another Potion and got to work on that, smiling when he giggled. "Hey, I never knew you were ticklish..."

"I'm – I'm not," he lied, squirming slightly. "Yeah, Luxord. He's really nice, he just can't fight _at all_."

"But he's really nice." That kind of stung. Did he think I was really nice? Did really nice mean like the cab driver that didn't charge me that one time? Or did it mean like potential relationship type thing? Luxord was a whole lot younger than me, I knew that.

Why did I even _care_?

"Yeah, he is," Demyx grinned, looking down at his hands. I was still dabbing Potion onto his ankle, worried about hurting his ankle even more. "Why, what do you think of him?"  
I shrugged. "He seems a bit... insincere."

Demyx tilted his head and bit his lip. "Yeah, I got that impression a bit too. Only when he was talking to you, though. Most of today he was really warm and friendly."

I bet he was. Everyone was really warm and friendly to Demyx, either because he was "just a little kid" in Xaldin's words, or because they wanted into his pants. I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to be able to explain that to him, because he really wanted to believe that we all had feelings and we were all his friends.

"Okay. You look exhausted. How about you get something to eat, and then get straight to bed, yeah?"

He frowned. "Didn't you want to talk to me about something?"

"It can wait." I was kind of relieved to find an excuse to avoid talking to him. "What do you want to eat? I could go get it if you want."

"Cheesecake. Or maybe some toast. Or..." He trailed off when I scowled at him. "Or maybe just some fruit, since I'm allergic to all my favourite foods."

"Good kid. Have some fruit, and then get some sleep."

I knew he was going to have cake anyway, but at least now I looked vaguely responsible, and he could learn the consequences of his recklessness.

Plus, I didn't like arguing with him.

xxx

**A/N**: I've already done this on A million munny and My sister talks to fire and my brother is gay, but I need to apologise to my dearest waifu for getting a girlfriend without telling her. So here is my public apology: I am very sorry and I wuv you big much.

On another note, I got my first proper flames today (two in one day, how odd) on A million munny. I feel really accomplished. I always had this idea in the back of my mind that you can't be a proper fanfiction author til you've been flamed at least once, so thanks to you people for giving me my metaphorical wings. Oh, and I broke 100 reviews on My sister talks to fire and my brother is gay. I'm just reaching milestones all over the place this week.


	10. Chapter 10

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: There will be more chapters. And more XigDem oneshots involving cheesecake. And so on and so forth. I just want to ask y'all not to murder me for the contents of this chapter. Or in general. But don't be angry with me, k? K. Big loves to y'all.

xxx

I realised something about myself quite recently.

I don't do well when I don't get my own way.

It first became obvious when Vexen point-blank refused to fix my guns for me. I flipped and, well, some things got broken. Including his nose. The rest of the Organization is more careful of me these days, even Axel. I kind of liked the distance, the way the atmosphere shifted every time I scowled or crossed my arms during conversation. Of course, one damn person has to be the exception. One _fucking _person had to smile warmly as he denied me the one thing I had wanted for what was getting near to a decade.

_Demyx_.

"So... let me get this straight..." I cleared my throat, utterly unsure of where to put myself or what the fuck to do. "You... you don't want..."

"I don't want a relationship with you. I don't even want to be your friend, really." He was lying, he was lying, please tell me that he was lying... "I hope you'll understand, Xigbar. It's just... I want to cut ties with people, right? Not just you, but like, my uncle and everyone. I've got some tough shit of my own going on, and I just..."

"It's okay." I swallowed hard. "It's fine."

I was lying. I was shaking as he closed his bedroom door, clearly busy getting ready for a mission or some shit, and I couldn't help but wonder whether this was what anger was meant to feel like. Fuck knows I had felt it often enough when I'd had a heart, and up to this point I was always getting high on shallow facsimiles of the strongest feelings, but that's all they were. Shadows. Fakes. Memories of how I was _supposed_ to feel.

But I'll be fucked if I wasn't feeling at least a little bit at the news that actually, Demyx was more or less done with me.

Ten minutes later I was hammering on Xaldin's door so hard that my fists were going to bruise, accidentally punching him in the chest when he opened up to let me in. Silently I pushed past him and threw myself into his desk chair, burying my face in my hands.

"Demyx problems, I take it?" I nodded. "If it makes it any better, I hate the new guy."

"Why?" I didn't really want to talk about the little blonde mindfuck just now. Or at all, but fuck knows that Xaldin will bring it up sooner rather than later.

"Think about it, Xigbar. Take out the X, shuffle the letters –"

"The blonde gambler you dated!" I sat bolt upright, remembering the photo Xaldin (or rather, Dilan) had shown me very proudly, the smile that had lit his face as he pointed out his boyfriend's earrings. "Shit, Xaldin, I never realised –"

"Nor did I. He recognised me before I recognised him." Xaldin shrugged. "I guess it's karma or some shit. Anyway... Demyx."

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Xaldin shrugged. "Fine, I guess I'll just go have something to eat –"

"No, don't!" He smirked at me and I curled my hands into fists. "Look, I'm absolutely furious right now. I don't know how I've managed not to break anything yet. I just... just..."

"Aw, did little Xigbar not get his own way this time?"

I stood up. "I am fully capable of ripping out your stomach and flinging it through space onto your ex-boyfriend's head, you know."

Xaldin just smirked wider – I didn't even know that he knew how to smirk – and shook his head. "I think that Demyx will be good for you, Xigbar. A fair few places below you in the Organization, years and years younger than you, and still the only person able to say no."

"You are so _funny_, Xaldin. Are you going to give me some sort of advice, or am I just supposed to go and start breaking things?"

He shrugged, picking up some paperwork from the table beside his bed. He was so tidy and organised it was insane. "It's up to you, really. What would you like me to do?"  
"I'd like you to make the little blonde mindfuck tell me the truth about how he feels about me."

Xaldin scoffed. "How he _feels_ about you? You can't be serious, Xigbar, you sound like –"

"Shut up. I know precisely what I sound like, all right? It's just... I waited for him for years, and now he's just..."

"He's just playing with your head, that's all he's doing. Just don't cave, and he'll be on his knees begging you to take him back by Friday. Haven't you ever noticed Zexion and Lexaeus?" I shook my head. Why would I pay _them_ any attention? "VI is always trying to manipulate V, and after a while Lexaeus realised that there was no way he could win unless he just ignored it. So now you have about three days a week when they don't talk to each other, one day when they're muttering to each other about how sorry they are and how different things will be this time, and three more days when they're all over each other."

"Okay, I really didn't need those images in my head, thanks." I shuddered and started for the door. "I'll just leave before you say anything grosser. And Xaldin?"  
"Yes?" he answered, opening the door and gesturing for me to go first.

"Thanks for everything. I know I'm a pain in the ass sometimes, but..."

"Sometimes?" He laughed. "Don't mention it. I'm sure I'll be whining to you about my little blonde problem sooner or later, anyway."

xxx

Deep breath. Deep, steady breath. Just reach out, knock on his door, hand over the paperwork, and get the fuck away from him before he could mess me up any more. Easy. Simple.

_Fuck_.

I reached out and knocked on the door, swearing so much within my own head that I was surprised nobody had bothered to censor my thoughts yet. It was mostly just a chant of _fuck shit fuck shit fucking fucky fucker fuck, _but it was enough to make me feel uncomfortable considering I was about to enter the presence of someone who was meant to be much younger than me, and of _course_ a little bundle of innocence.

"Hello?"

"Open up, I have some paperwork for you." There was some shuffling and then the door opened just a crack, one of Demyx's eyes appearing on the other side. "You're going to have to open the door to take it off me, genius."

He laughed nervously. "Yeah... um... thanks, Xigbar. I'll just... uh..." He stuck his hand through the narrow gap between the door and his frame, just about managing to grab the sheaf of paper and pull it out of my hand. "See you around, I guess –"

"What are you hiding, kid?"

"Don't call me _kid_, and I'm not hiding anything." He went to shut the door but I stuck my foot in the way, ignoring the painful crunching of my own toes.

"Don't give me that bullshit. Open the door and show me."

He took a deep breath and kicked the door open. "Will you please _go away_ now?"

Luxord.

Luxord was in his bed.

Luxord was in his bed and he wasn't wearing any clothes.

I turned away. I think that I knocked some of the papers out of Demyx's hands. I sprinted to the end of the corridor and leaned against a wall, sucking in air.

Well, Xaldin was right, he was going to be whining about his own little blonde problem soon.

Why the fuck did I care? I didn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't have been shaking like a building in an earthquake. I shouldn't have needed the wall behind me for support. I shouldn't have my guns in my hands and my trigger fingers shouldn't have been flexing.

Something about Demyx was completely fucking me up.

Wouldn't it be ironic if I were allergic to him?

xxx

**A/N**: I need to tell you guys something. Something real important. Lean in nice and close, okay? Closer. Closer still. So close that I can hear you breathing. Okay, that's close enough. The thing is...

I give a fuck about you.

Every single one of you, whether you live fanfiction or just dabble in it, whether you adore my stories or whether you just use them to kill time. Big, small, happy, sad, boys, girls, neither, both, straight, gay, bi, trans, everyone. And I figured I'd just tell you all this because it's Thursday today and Thursday is the most common day of the week for suicides. I don't want any of you to die. Just by upping my story stats and reviewing, you save me from the depths of hell every single day. (Maybe not always literally, but you know what I mean.) I love you all, and I want you to know that. I probably sound like a creeper now, but oh well. I just needed to get that off my chest. Loves and kisses and review whoring as normal.


	11. Chapter 11

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: I painted my nails rainbow today! Woo! Well, I say painted. I didn't have the colours I needed so I coloured them in with Sharpie and then went over them with a transparent top coat. I don't know why I'm telling you this. I just feel fabulous right now is all.

xxx

Over the next few weeks, I didn't speak to Demyx. I barely looked at Demyx. Most of my spare time was spent moping with Xaldin, who was really quite upset about Luxord being with someone who wasn't him. He didn't want Luxord _back_ or anything (he would always insist) but he just didn't like the idea of someone so sensitive and intelligent fraternising with someone as clueless as Demyx. (When he called Demyx clueless I punched him in the face. It didn't really affect our "friendship", if you could even call it that.)

"We should do something," Xaldin said. "Something other than moping around and complaining about a couple of blondes."

"Shut up." I was lying on his ceiling and pulling small holes in the gravity around me for no real reason. I had always had a habit of picking at things when I was upset, so I guess I was just doing the same to gravity as I would to paint or my shoes or sometimes my skin. Xaldin always told me that the scar on my face wouldn't be anywhere near as bad if I hadn't picked at it all the damn time when it was healing. He was right, of course, but I never wanted to admit it.

"Xigbar, seriously, you and Demyx were never even a –"

"I waited," I cut across him with gritted teeth, "for nearly a _decade_ to see him. I just wanted to be his best friend again, maybe more but I didn't really care, but now... now he's not even _talking_ to me... and it's Luxord's fucking fault!"

"How is it his fault if your slutty little not-boyfriend decided to –"

"Shut up!" I yelled, my guns in my hands with a flash. "You fucking _dare –_"

I was interrupted by a knock on the door. I was hotheaded but not stupid, and within seconds I returned myself to the floor, gravity resuming its boring role of keeping me on the ground.

"It's open," Xaldin growled, the lance that had been in his hand fading away. Clearly he had been anticipating a fight just as much as I had. Oh, well. We were Nobodies, it wasn't like we could actually be angry with one another or anything silly like that.

"Xigbar, I need you to have a word with my nephew." Vexen didn't bat an eyelid at the thick atmosphere between Xaldin and I. We bickered a lot, sure, but we had never actually got violent until Demyx decided to frolic with abandon all over our neatly organised lives. "He's in his bedroom making it rain. I think he and Luxord have fallen out or something."

"Yeah, fine, I'll talk to him." I had no intention of talking to him, at least, not as such. I wasn't going to go in and be all fatherly and supportive or anything. In fact, I was probably going to yell at him until he was about to cry (if he wasn't crying already, he had always been a bit on the soft side) and then maybe he would start doing his thing and I would end up actually getting some.

"Thanks, Xigbar." Vexen nearly smiled at me. "You know, I don't know why he stopped hanging around with you as much. I suppose it was Luxord being controlling and jealous – he seems the type."

The creepy scientist – I mean, my esteemed colleague – shuffled out of the room and I turned to Xaldin, triumphant smirk on my face.

"Controlling and jealous, Xaldin. _Controlling _and _jealous_. Did you catch that? That's from a professional. In fact, I believe that Vexen majored in politics with a minor in psychology. Ain't that interesting?"

Xaldin scowled heavily at me, which of course made me beam even more. "Go fix the water boy; by the sounds of it, he's sort of broken."

I left Xaldin's room, making sure to kick the door shut a little too hard and hopefully shake his room enough to knock something off his desk.

Not that I'm immature or anything, hahaha.

xxx

"Demyx?" I called, my voice coming out harsher than I had intended it to. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Dem?" That time I sounded like a schoolgirl with a bad cold and possibly a knife shoved up where the sun don't shine. "Can I come in?" Okay, now I just sounded like a paedophile.

"Fuck _off_," he growled. I tried the door, but of course it was locked. "I mean it, Xigbar, leave me alone."

I sighed. "You've left me no choice, then." I opened up a dark portal. "You have exactly ten seconds to make sure you're wearing clothes before I come in."

I had misjudged the portal's opening and ended up right next to Demyx's bed, my hand maybe just a little bit closer to that perfect ass than perhaps it should have been. Oh, well, he was hardly in a fit state to notice. His room was _flooded, _I was literally knee-deep in water, and rain still dripped from the ceiling in time with his breaths, albeit not as heavy now as it had sounded from halfway down the corridor. Maybe it was because I was coming. Maybe I actually cheered him up.

"I have been so _stupid_," he hissed, lying face down on his bed with no shirt on. "You have no idea what happened... nobody does."

"I am a Nobody," I pointed out, unable to resist the obvious play on words. "Look, Demyx, I want to help you. Please tell me what happened?"

"Luxord. Luxord fucking _happened_. And maybe Axel and Zexion as well." He rolled onto his back and I caught sight of his face, which was soaked with water, maybe tears. "They told him that you and Xaldin were pretty close, so guess what he decided to do?"

"He... he thought that me and... that _thing_... ew! Oh my God, oh my God, _ew!_" I knew I sounded like a posh little girl confronted with a spider. Actually, that's a fair comparison to make. Xaldin does look kind of tarantula-esque. And I'm getting girlier by the day (something I fully blame Demyx for). "Aw, I'm sorry, Dem. So he..."

"He used me to piss you off so you would stop talking to Xaldin. When I realised that, he basically told me to go fuck a tree." I was as pissed off as a Nobody can be about these things, my teeth grinding against my will. "That's why I ditched you, because he was fucking with my head, because he wanted you to fight with his beloved Xaldin, who apparently left him for precisely the same reason that you left me. The difference was that Luxord was actually a sensible age at the time so if anyone should be holding petty grudges here, it's me. But no, no, I was getting along _fine_ until an attractive blonde came along and let me eat cheesecake off his chest." That was a detail I could have done without, but it was obviously helping Demyx to get it all off his chest (haha, it's funny because cheesecake and Luxord's chest and... anyway). "I'm sorry, I fucked up, okay?"

"Don't worry about it, Dem." I sat on the edge of his bed, which was soaking wet, and patted him awkwardly on the back. "How about you stop making it rain, yeah?"

He sniffed loudly but the rain disappeared and the water started to evaporate from the paddling pool that was his bedroom floor, until eventually it was sort of damp instead of a motherfucking swamp. I sat for a while just rubbing his back while he sniffled and tried to collect himself, and I have to say, I wasn't all that surprised when he sat up and slid into my lap.

"I'm sorry, Xigbar," he said softly, taking hold of my ponytail with both hands and wringing it out, about a jugful of water pouring out onto his bed. "Luxord is a great liar. Oh, and he can fight now. I think that he could fight all along, really."

"Yeah, I think so too." I held his chin in place and leaned forwards slightly. "Now you know how _I_ feel when you're prancing around shirtless looking all innocent and vulnerable and giving Xemnas nosebleeds when I know full well that you can manipulate people just as easily as you can water."

He grinned unabashedly, hands still in my hair. "Is this the part where we have amazing sex and then you stay with me all night?"

"No, this is the part where you get yourself dry, I find you a new mattress, and then you have dinner and get an early night." I placed both hands on his waist and shoved him off my lap. "Go on, be good."

As much as it pains me to say this, I had actually missed Demyx and his constant pouting and flirting and general mindfuckery.

Don't repeat that, though.

xxx

**A/N**: Luxord is a heartless cunt. Get it? Heartless? Because it's Kingdom Hearts and he doesn't have a... never mind. My puns aren't funny.

This fic is going to end soonish. You see, it's canonical. That means that it fits into the plotline of the KH games, and _that_ means that soon an idiot with ginormous shoes and a ginormous key is going to come along and wreck shit. I have it more or less mapped out, and I'm almost certain that you guys will only hate me a little bit. Reviews please? I only have a few, and that makes me a very sad Unicorn.


	12. Chapter 12

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: My scalp is bleeding a LOT, like, I didn't even know scalps could bleed this much, and I have a stomach ache. Not to mention the fact that it's half one in the morning and I'm tired and sort of hungry. But I gave you a chapter because I love you.

xxx

"There'll be two more new arrivals today, Xigbar." Xemnas was looking at me like I was some sort of slightly odd person who had been spending all my time either hanging out with Demyx or sulking in my room because Demyx wouldn't sleep with me. Not that that's what I've been doing recently, ohoho.

At the news of new arrivals I admit that I sort of flinched. Like Luxord wasn't bad enough. And Axel still hadn't grown out of the whole "being under everyone's feet and annoying us all" thing. In fact, the only newbie I had liked was Demyx, and that's only because I want to fuck h-I mean, because he was my friend before we lost our hearts.

"Okay. I'll make Luxord show them around." I was still keen to keep the slimy blonde gambler away from Demyx as much as I could. It was two months or so since Luxord had decided to trample over what Demyx firmly believed were his "feelings" (he just _remembered _being able to feel, but it affected him pretty damn deeply) and the Melodious Mindfuck was still being a manipulative little cocktease. But at least now he was _my_ manipulative little cocktease. And by that I mean at least he wasn't Luxord's manipulative little cocktease, because we weren't technically a thing. I don't even know what he really thought of me, other than a few quite vulgar hints dropped by Axel that lead me to believe that all of Demyx's spare time was devoted to talking about me and how sexy I apparently am. And there were a few moments where I was actually getting close to getting some, but every single time, Vexen would appear out of nowhere, or Demyx would up and leave halfway through, or sometimes I would draw the line because I would recognise that actually he was just trying to get out of some work, or make me give him cake.

Xemnas clicked his tongue. "Actually, Xigbar, I was rather hoping you would show them around. I couldn't help but notice some, ah, complications between you and Luxord, and I wouldn't want to worsen them."

"There are no complications," I lied, my working eye twitching slightly. "But why would him showing around a couple of new kids change anything at all for me?"

I watched Xemnas sigh and get to his feet. "I'm going to be frank here, Xigbar. We all know roughly what's going on, although Vexen seems to be in denial about it, being Demyx's uncle and such. While I have heard some clearly romanticised versions of the tale from Axel and thoroughly paraphrased sections of it from Xaldin, not to mention some strongly worded complaints from Luxord, the general consensus is that, well, you want to fuck Demyx, and Luxord is one of the many things that made that difficult for you. Is that about right?"

"I... um... yes, Superior, to an extent." I sighed. "But it's just... he had sex with Demyx..."

Whining at your boss about your crush's sex life does not tend to get you very far in life, but Xemnas was being surprisingly tolerant today. "Xigbar, pull yourself together, it's hardly as if you're capable of jealousy." I flinched again. I was just flinching all over the damn place today. It was almost embarrassing, except, of course, I couldn't feel embarrassment. "Listen, just get along with Luxord for the time being. We're all working towards the same goal here, you realise. Whether you like Luxord or not, it is essential that you tolerate him for a while longer. And don't get yourself into shit with Vexen, understood? I don't need him pitching a fit because you have a thing for his nephew."

I nodded dumbly, beginning to realise that I had just been forced into showing around the two new arrivals, and scratched the back of my head. "Yes, Superior."

Fuck it, my life just seemed to like kicking me in the face at every opportunity it got.

xxx

"So you have to show the newbies around instead of working? _Lucky_," whined Demyx, casually resting his hand on my arm. "Why can't I do that instead of going out and getting my ass tossed around by Heartless?"

"Hey, if you want to do it for me, be my guest, kid." He growled and I was kind of taken aback by how sexy his growling was. I don't think I've ever been turned on quite that unexpectedly in my life. "Sorry, Demyx. Habit. But look, I don't want to show the two new arrivals around. Why don't you do that, and I'll go on your mission?"

"Because my mission's in Atlantica and you _hate_ Atlantica, remember?" He shuffled a little closer to me on the (really kinda ugly) grey couch. "The only thing you ever liked about Atlantica was my partial nudity."

"Well, well, well. You do have three or four braincells in there, kid." I tapped his forehead, smiling when he scowled at me. "N'aww, don't look at me like that, I just told you that I like seeing you naked! You should be flattered."

"When did you become such an ass?" he asked, grabbing my hand as I tried to retract it from his face and playing absently with my fingers. "You used to be the bestest babysitter ever, I used to wait and wait for the days when you'd come over to babysit me, and now..."

"Now you hate me?" It was a genuine question masked with a grin. I would be pretty upset if it turned out he didn't like me.

"No," he said slowly, his gaze floating down onto the floor, the corner of his mouth turning up cutely. "It's more like... I don't know... like we both grew up. And I guess... I guess we're kind of... we're sort of even now. The age gap isn't that important and even though you patronise me a _lot_ I know you don't just think of me as Vexen's cute little nephew any more, you know?"

"Yeah," I said quietly. "You know, Demyx... I know that you said a while ago that you didn't want a relationship with me or anything, but..."

"I don't know, okay?" He took a deep breath. "Let me make it very clear that I am really, really attracted to you." Well, that's always a plus. "But, well... I don't know. It's weird because it's just a physical thing now, and I know I can _remember _really being in love with you and daydreaming about you and whatever..." I could see a blush beginning to spread its way across his soft white skin, "...but when we do... when we do do stuff, I want it to be... I wanna feel. You know?"

"Yeah, okay." I put an arm around his shoulders and realised he was trembling. "You're amazing, Demyx."

"So are you," he said, smiling. "We should... I don't know. I don't want anyone getting their hands on you because I'm being sentimental about the whole feelings thing and, well, I guess it would be kinda strategic or whatever to have a relationship with each other and then even if things start falling apart in the –"

"Demyx." He stopped and looked at me. "Do you want to be my boyfriend or not?"

"Um... well... yes?" he said hopefully, grinning.

"Well then." I blinked. "Um... good. But you... you don't want to..."

"Don't want to do anything, you know, major, until we can properly feel it."

"You sentimental little fuck. And here I thought you were just being a cocktease," I admitted, and he giggled. "I just hope that Xemnas has half a clue what he's doing and we get hearts soon."

"Why, are you impatient or something?" he smirked, running a finger along my knee. I scowled at him and he grinned, leaned in, kissed me extremely quickly, and leapt off his seat to scuttle his way back to his room. I stood up, half-intending to follow him and maybe make him go back on the whole "Feelings first, sex later" thing, but Xemnas walked in, trailed by two new members (well, I assumed they were new members), a guy and a girl, one of whom looked oddly familiar.

"Braig?"

"Oh, Larxene, you know him?" said the guy, looking at her. Wait a second, _was_ that a guy?

"Braig, it's me, Erlena."

Oh. Wow. Um... Demyx will be pleased. Maybe. Sort of. I don't know.

xxx

**A/N**: I don't think this chapter was particularly long. Or particularly good. But guess who the two new arrivals are? Hint: They're Organization members. And one of them is called Larxene. Isn't this a fun game? Except for the fact that, you know, it should be blindingly obvious by now. I'm tired, can you tell? I went to Alton Towers today and got a Hello Kitty plushie and ate far, far too much food. So now I'm hungry and pudgy simultaneously. It's not a fun sensation. Review please, maybe it'll shut me up.


	13. Chapter 13

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **I don't even own a copy of KH3D yet, let alone the fucking characters.

**Note**: I can't really be bothered with an author's note today. I don't think very many people actually care; it just makes my word count inaccurate.

xxx

"MYDE!"

"ERLENA!"

In an almost unexpected flurry of black cloaks and giggling, Larxene and Demyx reunited themselves, hugging so hard that I was surprised they could still breathe, and I had to hover back uncertainly with Marluxia, who was observing the two lost friends with faint, calculating amusement on his oh-so-girly features. Eventually, the two broke apart, and I had to wonder just how right Xemnas was about the whole no-feelings thing. Because these two definitely felt _something_ towards each other.

"Were you two lovers or something?" Marluxia asked silkily, in a deep voice that clashed horribly with his feminine air. "Honestly, to think that you don't even have _hearts_..."

"I'm _gay_," Demyx said hotly, "and Erlena – I mean, um..."

"Larxene," I supplied, and Demyx nodded, smiling at me briefly before returning to cutely bitching at Marluxia.

"Larxene was my best friend way back when, spent all of her time plotting and scheming, trying to get me into Xigbar's pants – well, he was Braig at the time, and I was too young to fully understand what getting into someone's pants _was_... but anyway!"

I smirked and Larxene glanced at me slyly like we were both thinking the same thing. "You haven't changed a _bit_, Myde," she said brightly, taking her knives out again and sharpening them. "It would have been nice of you to tell me that you were off on your gay adventures in Castle Depressing here. I could have come with you, you know. I don't mind not having a heart." She frowned slightly. "It feels better, in a way."

"You know what? I like you," Marluxia said to Larxene, looking at her contemplatively. "We should stick together, us two."

Something was going off in the back of my mind, but I shoved it away. Really, letting the two new recruits form any kind of a bond this early on was a bad idea, and I should at least mention it to Xemnas, but this was _Erlena_. She was just a little ball of rage, and she was on our side – on Demyx's side. And apart from anything else, Demyx wouldn't appreciate me running around getting his best friend in trouble.

"So, Myde... I guess you have a new, fancy name, right? Something hard to pronounce with an X in there because Xemnas has a massive boner for the letter X?"

Demyx nodded slowly, still looking a little shocked at the appearance of his old best friend. "Yeah, I'm Demyx now."

"Stupid name. I don't like Larxene all that much, either. Do the new names grow on you, or...?" She looked at both me and Demyx for answers, and it was me who spoke first.

"Yeah, sort of. In some cases it's an improvement – we've got a guy here called Zexion whose real name is Ienzo, and Axel used to be called _Lea_..." Larxene and Marluxia sniggered vindictively at this, and Demyx grinned at me, probably glad that I wasn't being a jealous cunt for once.

"Demyx? May I ask you something?" Nobody could fault Marluxia's manners, at least. "Are you single?"

Okay, I was going to kill something very soon.

"Nope," he said, with a wide smile, "I'm taken." He reached out and laced his fingers through mine. "Ain't that right, Xigbar?"

I nodded dumbly, smiling at our conjoined hands like some kind of newly-wed.

"Oh my _God_! My-Demyx! Why didn't you _say_ something?" Larxene shrieked, throwing her arms around Demyx's shoulders. I noticed that Demyx had finally passed her in height (it used t be something he complained about a lot, how much taller and stronger and eviller she was than him) and that the hug seemed very close to genuine. "Took you bloody long enough. I swear, if you two had taken much longer, I would just lock you in a fucking closet together and wait for one of you to break."

"You haven't changed either, you know," Demyx said thoughtfully, still holding my hand, warmth from him seeping into me and filling me with what I could have falsely called love. It was the memory of being in love with him, of course, mixed with pure physical attraction and anticipation of the day that we began feeling again, the day that I could love Demyx in every way. "I missed you. Well, you know, as much as a guy who supposedly can't feel can miss a person."

The conversation was stopped when Vexen stalked into the corridor, scribbling on his clipboard. He stopped short when he saw us, and I tried to let go of Demyx's hand but for some reason he just clung. "Erm... why are you clutching my nephew's hand, Xigbar?"

Demyx opened his mouth to speak but I dove in before he had a chance. "Unfortunate incident with PVA glue in Hollow Bastion. We're just going to find some glue remover, right, Demyx?"

He nodded, looking mildly resentful, and Larxene felt it necessary to add, "It's not like there's sexual tension so thick that you could choke on it hanging around or anything, oh no."

Vexen squinted at her. "Aren't... aren't you Demyx's friend? Er... Erla..."

"Erlena. Well, yeah, I was. Larxene now." She grinned, more menacingly than I was used to seeing from her. "I hope you've been treating my best friend well, Even, because if you haven't, there will be hell to pay, right?"

I noticed that she hadn't even bothered threatening me and felt oddly triumphant. It wasn't often that I got one over on Vexen, even if I was two spots above him in the Organization.

"You..." We all looked at Marluxia, whose mouth was hanging open. "You're..."

"_I'm_ very busy. If you'll excuse me..." He returned his attention to the clipboard, eyes shadowy and hair all over the place, and carried on stalking along the corridor like he was something special.

"Demyx, that's your uncle, right?" Marluxia asked hoarsely.

Demyx nodded, dropping my hand and putting an arm around my waist instead. Even though I had just, literally _just now_ seen what happens when I encourage any sort of physical contact between myself and the Melodious Mindfuck, I couldn't help but put an arm around him, hugging him to me tightly.

"_Please_ tell me that he's gay, or bi, or straight but willing to settle for a really girly guy," Marluxia whined. Well, at least he could admit to being really girly.

Demyx frowned. "I've never really thought about that, to be honest. He's certainly never expressed any interest in women."

Very unfortunately for me, though, Vexen didn't express any interest in Marluxia either.

xxx

"You know, Demyx... you look like your uncle. A little."

I froze completely in the middle of polishing my guns (_How convenient_, a bloodthirsty part of my brain remarked) and took a deep breath.

"Really?" Demyx asked, not even catching the tone of voice Marluxia was using. We'd had three days of him alternating between whining, eating strawberry ice cream and trying to get into Vexen's pants, usually ending up with frozen hands and sometimes a frozen crotch. The first time that this had happened, Marluxia had made the mistake of going to Axel for assistance. He ended up with severely burnt hands and a severely burnt crotch.

"Yeah," Marluxia said, sliding along the couch a little so that he was right next to my boyfriend. (I still loved saying _my boyfriend_ all the time, especially when I was talking to Xaldin, who was being played with like a fucking NES by Luxord.) "You know, I really like your uncle."

"Come on, Demyx, we have a mission," I said loudly, getting to my feet.

"Really?" Demyx said again, standing up as well and taking my hand in his. "Where to?"

"To, um, Wonderland," I invented, hoping against hope that nobody else had been sent to Wonderland today. "And afterwards I'll buy you some ice cream, all right?"

Demyx nodded eagerly, and as we left the room, I flipped Marluxia off. He returned it happily, and I was left with the uneasy conviction that this wasn't over. It wasn't like I was the jealous type or anything, so of course it wasn't going to cause a huge problem within the Organization...

xxx

**A/N**: Like I said earlier, I can't really be bothered with author's notes today. I don't want to talk about my day or my feelings or even this chapter. I just want to stop writing, to be honest, but too many people would be mildly disappointed, and Unversed would probably kill me in my sleep. But anyway. I can't be bothered to say anything useful. I'm just tired. Tired and very afraid.


	14. Chapter 14

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **Okay, so I now own KH3D, but I still don't have even a tiny part of the franchise itself.

**Note**: I am so tired, having a shit day, fat, my face is breaking out, I'm lonely, and my mother is making me take the most disgusting iron tablets. Woo.

xxx

"You're gorgeous, Demyx."

I froze, about to turn into the corridor that homed Demyx's bedroom so that I could do unspeakable things to him, probably involving cheesecake because apart from anything else, it was a great thing to bribe him with. So far I'd scored a blowjob and some tonguing and groping that was in fact brought on by me eating cheesecake, but other than that, the kid was staying true to his word, and refusing to sleep with me because we wouldn't really _feel_ it. While I could totally understand where he was coming from, and in a way I agreed with him, it was doing my head in. And now, someone who sounded suspiciously like Marluxia appeared to be trying to get into the pants that I couldn't even get my hand down.

"That's real sweet of you, Marluxia, but, uh, Xigbar's waiting for me and I'm sure Vexen would want –"

"Oh, come on, Demyx," the bitch purred. I stayed where I was, deciding that I should trust the Melodious Mindfuck at least a little bit and let him handle the situation on his own. "You _know_ I have no interest in Vexen any more – didn't from the start, really. It was _you_ I really wanted..."

"You're bullshitting, Marluxia," he said bluntly. "You really liked my uncle, and I know I'm just his replacement, your second-best. Now, if you don't mind, I need to go and find my _boyfriend,_" he put a healthy amount of emphasis on the word boyfriend, which of course made me smile, "and you probably have work to do, right?"

Marluxia made a very gay, very exasperated noise. "Dem-_yx, _why won't you just be a good little Nobody and pay attention to your physical needs, and _my_ physical needs." I peered around the corner and saw the pink-haired pissdick pushing _my_ little blonde mindfuck against the wall. "You don't _have_ feelings, remember? You don't love Xigbar – you don't love anybody – the only thing that will make you feel whole is sex..."

"Erm, not with _you,_" Demyx said firmly, trying to push him away. "And I know I don't love Xigbar right now, but I did, back when I had a heart, and as soon as I get my heart back, me and him are gonna –"

"Gonna _what_? He doesn't love you. Even when he does get back his heart, he'll still be scarred and angry. Will he really be the same if he went all that time without being able to feel?" I began to wonder whether I should step in. "Demyx, you're so _cute_, pretending all those feelings, but why not just follow your instincts for a change?"

"Because Heartless follow their instincts. They're _made_ of instinct. We're Nobodies, we _think_."

"Oh, Demyx, come on..." I watched with my stomach screaming in protest as Marluxia's hands pressed into Demyx's hips and he _ground_ into my _boyfriend_. "Be like a Heartless for a change. Give in to the hunger..."

And then, the unthinkable happened.

Demyx kissed him.

Disgust and envy and misery shadowed across what would be my heart, I turned away and stumbled down a different corridor, almost walking into Lexaeus, who was attempting to read a book (which probably gave him some problems, since I don't believe that he's clever enough to realise that the letters on the paper are meant to be a story). He put it down when he saw me and simply said, "Explain."

"Demyx and Marluxia – because Demyx looks like Vexen, and Marluxia is obsessed with Vexen – and I was there but they didn't – they couldn't see me, but I was there – and Marluxia's gonna get some even though I can't – and – and –" I took a deep breath. "Sorry. I just..."

"It's okay." Lexaeus was a nice enough guy, even if he was thick. "You need to tell Demyx what you saw."

"But... but then he'll know that I was spying... and what if he doesn't want to be my boyfriend any more? And..." Lexaeus shut me up with a single stony look. (Get it? Stony look... and his power is earth? Hahaha, it isn't funny.) "Sorry."

"It's okay," he said again. Funny, you'd think that fucking Zexion all the time, he'd have picked up some new words, even if most of them were things like "premature ejaculation" and "inconsiderate horny buffoon" or whatever Zexion was likely to say to him. "But you should really talk to Demyx."

"But..." I said weakly.

"Now. Talking is important. Where would Zexion and I be if we didn't talk?" It made rather a lot of sense, if you thought about it. He and Zexion clearly didn't have a fantastic sex life, Zexion being a prudish EMO and Lexaeus being fucking enormous, so their relationship must have been held together by more than just fucking. "Go now. It's important."

I nodded, feeling half of my vocabulary dying after the conversation with Lexaeus, and retreated back the way I had come, pulling Demyx's bedroom door open to reveal him looking startled, Marluxia pinning him to the bed, and what looked like a fight scene around them – a broken lampshade and a box of paperwork overturned on the floor, and Demyx's lip bleeding.

"Xigbar!" he said, clearly relieved to see me. "Could you tell Marluxia that I'm flattered, but that I don't want sex with anyone right now, particularly not him?"

Marluxia scowled over his shoulder at me, still straddling my boyfriend. I crossed the room in two strides, opened a dark corridor, grabbed Marluxia by the hood of his cloak and tossed him into the hole. I then sat down on the bed next to Demyx and let him wrap his arms around my waist, dabbing a Potion very gently onto his split lip and muttering to myself about the ways in which I was going to dismantle Marluxia's reproductive organs.

"Xigbar?"

"Mm?"

"Thanks for that. I love you." He kissed me, still tasting of Potion, and I wondered if I could maybe, just _maybe_ get lucky... "I guess you want to fuck me, huh?"

He was still adorably shy, but also adorably blunt.

"Yeah, I do. But not if you don't want me to." I felt really, really hard-done-by about this, but I knew that if I went wrong here, I would fuck things up for myself permanently, and then I would _never_ get any. "I love you. Well, you know..."

"Yeah, I know." There seemed to be some kind of unspoken agreement that we wouldn't mention the whole no-heart thing. "I think we should get something to eat."

We left his bedroom hand-in-hand, and I couldn't help but wonder, somewhere in the back of my mind, where I had tossed Marluxia to when I'd opened a random dark portal, and whether that would come back to bite me in the ass.

xxx

"You keep eating things you _know_ will make you sick –"

"Stop making this my fault, Xigbar, this is about you –"

"It's not about me, it's about you flirting with everyone and giving them the wrong impression –"

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!" Larxene screamed. "Look, Demyx, you're being a pussy. Xigbar, you're being a dick. And you know what happens when a dick meets a pussy?"

Demyx still, after all this time, blushed at the unmasked sex joke. "Larxene!"

"Okay, all I'm saying is that you're both getting on my nerves, so just go have some icky gay sex and then –"

"No, okay?" I stood up abruptly. "I'm sick of Demyx fucking with my head, I'm sick of you being such a bitch, I'm sick of Marluxia and his fucking grabby hands and wandering eyes all over my property, and I'm sick of –"

"Your _what_? Did you just call me your _property_?" Demyx growled, standing up as well. "No. No, that is not fucking okay and you know it. You take that the fuck back, Xigbar."

"Make me," I spat.

Larxene rolled her eyes. "I give up. I'm going to go watch porn."

We both just stared at her blankly for a few moments, before returning to glaring at each other.

"I'm going to my room. Come find me when you stop being such a dickwad." I watched Demyx out of the door, and then fell back into my seat, burying my head in my hands and making a pathetic whining noise. Stupid fucking Marluxia, it was all his fault, him and his pumpkin pie from Halloween Town, which I may or may have not thrown him into when he was trying to fuck my boyfriend.

It was _entirely_ his fault, though.

xxx

**A/N**: Insert usual EMO whining and bullshit here. I don't think anyone reads this story. I'm thinking of discontinuing it, but if there's even one person who wants me to carry on, I will, just for that one person, because that's how I roll. And thanks to anyone who bothered reading this small section of me. I do appreciate it. I love you guys, sleep well and smile.


	15. Chapter 15

**Warnings: **Boylove, paedophilia, swearing, shitty writing, so on and so forth. Go read my other fanfics if you don't like this one. Or flame me. I've never actually been flamed before. I think it'd be pretty funny.

**Disclaimer: **Okay, so I now own KH3D, but I still don't have even a tiny part of the franchise itself.

**Note**: So I was a whiny bitch last chapter and talked about discontinuing the fic. As you can probably guess, I didn't. I'm carrying on, because unfortunately for all you sorry fuckers, someone actually wanted me to keep going.

xxx

"You should fuck him, you know."

"Larxene, you're not helping."

"And _you're_ not doing _anything_. Come on, if you're not gonna fuck Demyx, at least get off the sofa."

"Fuck off."

She didn't, though. She never does. "Nah, come on. You know, if you don't fuck Dem, someone else will. They all want to, you know. Marluxia, Zexion, Luxord, hell, even Axel's looked at him more than once... but he chose you. He chose the icky old man over everyone else, and you know why?" I ignored her in the hopes that she would stop breathing and die. "Because he loves you. And he loves you too. I don't buy this bullshit about not being able to feel. I mean, I feel sort of empty, but the emotions are still there. They're easier to ignore, and maybe that's why Xemnas says we don't have them, so that we'll be more efficient, but they're _there_." Larxene sighed. "Okay, you know what? I can tell you're upset. So we're gonna go find Demyx, and you're gonna apologise, and then the two of you are gonna go and play the bouncy bed game, right?"

I just made a pathetic noise in the back of my throat and buried my face even further into my hands.

She stood up, grabbed me by the ear, and dragged me through a dark portal, ending up just outside Demyx's bedroom. "There. All yours. Good luck."

Then she pranced down the corridor like it was fucking nothing.

I took a deep breath and hammered on the door. "Yeah?"

I pulled it open. "Demyx?"

He was lying shirtless on his bed, playing with a ball of water in his cupped hands. "You come to apologise?"

"Um, I guess. Larxene dragged me here. Something about true love or something. I don't know." I looked him up and down. "What's with the bruises on your shoulders?"

"You were avoiding me for a whole day. I got bored."

I was suddenly overcome by fear and anger. "What did you do?"

"Marluxia's happy." His voice was almost entirely void of emotion.

"You – you slept with..." Without another word, I crossed the room, picked him up, and carried him over my shoulder into my own room, tossing him carelessly onto the bed like he was a broken toy. _I'm so sick of this, _I thought angrily, looking down at my broken little toy. _Fuck, I waited for him, and he didn't – he wouldn't with me, but for goddamn Marluxia... He's gonna fucking get it..._

"Demyx, do you know what this is?"

He swallowed and looked at the huge killing thing in my left hand, eyes wide with terror as he stood up, slowly. "It's a gun."

"Yes, it is. Do you know what it can do?" The barrel of the gun was raised and I watched, detached and spinning with anger, as it ran along Demyx's neck, delicately, _lovingly_. What a sham that was. Love. No such fucking thing, heart or not.

The most painful thing was, I wasn't even lying to anybody any more. Not even myself. It didn't count as a lie if it was so feeble that no one would believe it.

He was still eyeing the gun apprehensively, shaking like a leaf. _You're so beautiful when you're afraid,_ I thought, _when someone besides you has the upper hand for a change._

"It... it can kill me?" he asked, his voice steady if a little higher than usual.

"Damn right it can. Take of your clothes and get on the bed. Keeping one gun in hand, I got undressed (not an easy task with one hand full, actually) and followed a terrified Nocturne onto my bed, keeping my gun pointed towards his head. "I've played your little game, now we get to play mine."

Aww, he kept his boxers on, how cute. I tore them in half with one hand, pulling them away from him and smirking at the shock and fear on his pretty little face, possessed by something that wasn't me, something I both hated and loved. The gun was still very much present, but something told me that it wouldn't be for long.

"Are you... are you gonna kill me?" he asked. I laughed and dug my fingernails into his left hip, kissing him roughly at the same time almost as if I wanted to apologise for scratching him. He whimpered but his hands found my shoulders anyway, and he kissed back, rubbing himself against me, _begging _me... "Okay," he breathed, as we broke apart for air, "are you gonna rape me?"

"We both know that it isn't rape," I said, because it _wasn't_, because I knew deep down in my not-heart that he wanted this, that he loved me, that he just needed a shove because he was scared.

But oh, how lovely he looked when he was scared.

"You have a gun to my head, Xigbar, I'm pretty sure that counts as rape," he half-laughed, the fear not leaving his wonderfully expressive eyes. No emotions my ass, he was quite clearly terrified right not. Nonetheless, he pressed his lips to mine, moaning softly when I ran a hand up his thigh, stopping just short of where he wanted it to be. "Xig-Xigbar, _please_..."

I was going to fuck him so hard that he couldn't even breathe. I was going to show him that Marluxia and Luxord were nothing compared to me. But I was going to need both hands to do it. And so the gun disappeared, and I could feel him relax, but neither of us said anything about it, because apart from anything else, I could always summon it again if I wanted to.

xxx

"I should go back to my room."

"No you shouldn't, you should stay here with me."

"But I –"

"I'll summon the gun again," I muttered, not meaning it for a second. We were both exhausted, naked and warm, in each other's arms in my bed.

"That was fucking _scary_. Would you really have shot me?"

I considered it. Would I? "I don't think so. I definitely wouldn't have killed you. If you were being really uncooperative I might have got, like, your shoulder or something, just as a warning."

"I could've stuck a Potion on it after, I guess," Demyx said thoughtfully, kissing my neck.

"So where do you stand on the whole "feelings" thing? D'you reckon that we have them?" I asked, stroking his side slowly, wondering whether we could go another round. "Because you looked pretty afraid when I had a gun to your head."

"No shit! You would've been scared too. I actually thought for a second there that you were gonna do it. And that hurt, because..."

"Because?" I asked gently, holding him tighter. I was trying to ignore the self-hatred and anger that was filling me. How could I have done that to him? Who in their right mind would put a gun to their boyfriend's head just for cheating?

"Because you're the only reason I'm still alive. Eight years without you, Xigbar. It nearly killed me." He kissed me, but only quickly. "I'm sorry for sleeping with Marluxia. He sort of cornered me, and I was angry at you, so I just..."

"It's okay. I'll let that slide if you forget that I more or less raped you."

"I don't really think that counts as rape. I would've done it with or without the gun."

I smiled blearily at him as he adjusted my eyepatch a little. "I love you, kid."

He bit my shoulder and I squirmed. "Don't call me kid, you cunt. But I love you too."

I just held him in my arms, and we talked a little, and kissed now and then, and everything felt amazing.

_Felt_.

I knew then that you can feel without a heart, because fuck, I was feeling for this kid. I was actually feeling this kid now, and he was gasping and begging and this time, it wasn't brutal, or possessive, and there was no gun involved. This time, we made love. It was entirely different, and afterwards, we showered together, and he _loved_ that because, hey, water, and...

Fuck, Larxene was actually _right_. I hate that girl.

xxx

**A/N**: So I've been writing a lot of oneshots recently, the most recent being I used to be Victoria, which is completely not what I'm used to writing but which I quite like, myself. If you get the chance, go and read some of them. A lot of them are XigDem or mention XigDem, so they should be right up your ally. Most of them are written at two in the morning, so don't expect them to be beautifully poetic and entirely correct in terms of spelling and grammar, but I do my best. Review, and remember that requests are greatly appreciated because they give me reason to stay up late at night.


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